Daily Dose of Humor [Archive] - Booty Torrents Community

his drug of choice

01-17-2010, 07:12 AM

Okay, since the other one is gone, we have to start anew. Post your daily funnies, cuz I'm sure you all have some!

http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/ohn_2010_01_05_God_momma_nay_satan.jpg

Mr Kels

01-17-2010, 08:20 AM

My fav thread!

Chris: well, I only watched Twilight once, so it doesn't really count.
Mr. Mann: Oh?
Chris: 1st time doesn't count, 2nd means you're curious, 3rd time and after means you're a faggot.
Chris: my uncle said that
Chris: but I think he was talking about buttsex
Mr. Mann: So basically the same thing ;)

x-c0n: Dude I was so drunk last night.. apparently this girl said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered, "Simba".

I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.

<Phyxius> Hmm there are some black people hanging around outside the gates at the end of my driveway, brb
<Courtney> mkay hb
<Phyxius> HOLY SHIT THEYRE GONE
<Courtney> The black people?
<Phyxius> NO, MY GATES

<RetardedMonkey> How would you pronounce this child's name?
<RetardedMonkey> She spells her name..... "Le-a"
<RetardedMonkey> This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA..
<RetardedMonkey> Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
<RetardedMonkey> She says it's pronounced.................
<RetardedMonkey> "Ledasha"
<RetardedMonkey> When the Mother was asked how in the world did she figured it should be pronounced that way....... she said....
<RetardedMonkey> ..."cause the dash don't be silent!"
<RetardedMonkey> English language is gone forever

his drug of choice

01-17-2010, 08:46 AM

I'm sure this was posted somewhere before, but, since we don't have that other site, I'm reposting!

CONSTRUCTION FUCK UPS!

http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/construction1.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/construction2.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/construction3.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/construction4.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/construction5.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/construction6.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/construction7.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/construction8.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/construction9.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/construction10.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/construction11.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/construction12.jpg

Joker

01-17-2010, 05:15 PM

Wow rotflmao @ hell freezing over...poor Satan :lmao:

http://i.imgur.com/A0Jvs.jpg

This one is the shit!
http://img21.imageshack.us/img21/1121/batmansuperman1.gif

http://th07.deviantart.net/fs42/300W/f/2009/127/7/d/Vegeta_vs_Naruto_by_supadave_3.jpg

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.comicsalliance.com/media/2009/11/superemofriends.jpg

Deuce

01-17-2010, 07:06 PM

I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.

Too fuckin funny!

The God of War

01-17-2010, 08:12 PM

Dear Joker,

That was funny. That is all.

Oh yeah, here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X2iMqZ1qc0

Black2Great

01-17-2010, 08:27 PM

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

Today, my grandma told me to f*** off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML

Stolen from http://www.fmylife.com...i find that site to be very hilarious at times...

his drug of choice

01-17-2010, 09:41 PM

Oldies, but goodies!

http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational1.JPG
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational2.JPG
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational3.JPG
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational4.JPG
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational5.JPG
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational6.JPG
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational7.JPG
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational8.JPG
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational9.JPG
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational10.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational11.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational12.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational13.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational14.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational15.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational16.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational17.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational18.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational19.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational20.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational21.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational22.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational23.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational24.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational25.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational26.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational27.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational28.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational29.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational30.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational31.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational32.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational33.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational34.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational35.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational36.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational37.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational38.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational39.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational40.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/motivational41.jpg

Chelle

01-18-2010, 02:35 PM

I'm sooooooooooooooooo done... :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Deuce

01-18-2010, 05:00 PM

Charlie marries a virgin. On their wedding night, he's on fire, so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her. "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table." So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?" "Much better!" she replies with a smile. "Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."

A man says to his wife, "I like kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"

his drug of choice

01-18-2010, 07:58 PM

A man says to his wife, "I like kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"

LMMFAO :laugh:

Joker

01-18-2010, 08:09 PM

http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/1434/60091348024337345143887.jpg

http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/3416/22012022.png

http://artlung.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/beetlejuice-joker.jpg

http://cdn.holytaco.com/www/sites/default/files/images/2009/Sex-on-a-Date-Flowchart.jpg

http://steynian.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/blg_blame_canada.jpg

http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/2/24197/423014-1214022464244_super.jpg

his drug of choice

01-18-2010, 09:42 PM

OMG, some of these have me DYING laughing! :lmao:

LameBook (http://www.lamebook.com/)

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/tt28-3.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/tell-him-obviously.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/weekend-win2.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/4xmas1.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/3lamebookXmas3.png

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/dynasty93/lamebook2.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/dynasty93/lamebook3.jpg

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/MoreMorons4.png

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/dynasty93/lamebook6.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v280/dynasty93/lamebook7.jpg

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/thats-a-bumme-bill2.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/slacker2.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/glad-dad1.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/history-lesson.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/winsdayJAN1.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/further-complcations3.png

Mr Kels

01-18-2010, 10:46 PM

Soul, you got me dying over here! This shit is too effing hee-larious!

The God of War

01-18-2010, 11:01 PM

Too fucking funny! Is I died yet?

Deuce

01-21-2010, 04:40 AM

Soul those FB joints were HA-larious!!!

http://thumbnails18.imagebam.com/6463/1215b664626296.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/1215b664626296) http://thumbnails2.imagebam.com/6463/14968c64626297.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/14968c64626297) http://thumbnails27.imagebam.com/6463/00bf2e64626299.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/00bf2e64626299) http://thumbnails22.imagebam.com/6463/11d68664626300.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/11d68664626300) http://thumbnails26.imagebam.com/6463/84856a64626302.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/84856a64626302) http://thumbnails2.imagebam.com/6463/a4833b64626303.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/a4833b64626303) http://thumbnails25.imagebam.com/6463/625a2464626305.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/625a2464626305) http://thumbnails27.imagebam.com/6463/af722464626306.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/af722464626306) http://thumbnails10.imagebam.com/6463/9ab7b164626307.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/9ab7b164626307) http://thumbnails3.imagebam.com/6463/dc7f6164626308.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/dc7f6164626308)
Free Image Hosting by ImageBam.com (http://www.imagebam.com)

---------- Post added 01-21-2010 at 12:40 AM ---------- Previous post was 01-20-2010 at 11:51 PM ----------

http://hosting01.hotchyx.com/adult-image-hosting-10/7000fridayFTW3.png (http://hotchyx.com/)

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http://hosting01.hotchyx.com/adult-image-hosting-10/6520Welcome-Home.png (http://hotchyx.com/)

The God of War

01-21-2010, 04:44 AM

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

knightman

01-21-2010, 05:50 AM

this is too much, love the motivation

his drug of choice

01-21-2010, 06:15 AM

I'm not a cat person, but I love the lolcatz!!

http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image001.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image002.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image003.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image004.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image005.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image006.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image007.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image008.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image009.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image010.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image011.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image012.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image013.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image014.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image015.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image016.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image017.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image018.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image019.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image020.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image021.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image022.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image023.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image024.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image025.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image026.jpg
http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image027.jpg

---------- Post added at 01:15 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:11 AM ----------

http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/cameltoads.jpg

Deuce

01-21-2010, 03:25 PM

I'm not a cat person, but I love the lolcatz!!

http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image002.jpg

http://evolution26.com/grafx/odb/image005.jpg

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: @ these 2.....especially the 2nd one

Strider156

01-24-2010, 02:21 AM

C'mon Son

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264306716077174600.jpg (http://www.imagechicken.com)

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264306737096236600.jpg (http://www.imagechicken.com)

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264306758045421500.jpg (http://www.imagechicken.com)

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264306931015489600.jpg (http://www.imagechicken.com)

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264306965026609100.jpg (http://www.imagechicken.com)

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264306987016782600.jpg (http://www.imagechicken.com)

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264307006053879700.jpg (http://www.imagechicken.com)

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264307027027546600.jpg (http://www.imagechicken.com)

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264307051061239300.jpg (http://www.imagechicken.com)

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264307070004231400.jpg (http://www.imagechicken.com)

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264307087054342800.jpg (http://www.imagechicken.com)

his drug of choice

01-24-2010, 11:00 PM

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264306716077174600.jpg

That is SOOOOOOOOOO photoshopped! LMAO

SchlongstaJ

01-25-2010, 12:16 AM

This thread has killed me. I have no more laughter in me. YES!!!

his drug of choice

01-25-2010, 12:32 AM

This thread has killed me. I have no more laughter in me. YES!!!

So glad you're enjoying yourself, as am I! LMAO

Joker

01-25-2010, 02:27 AM

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264307006053879700.jpg she got a bullet hole below her belly button? Who the fuck let her out looking like that? :( that picture made me sad in pants.

his drug of choice

01-25-2010, 03:19 AM

http://www.imagechicken.com/uploads/1264307006053879700.jpg she got a bullet hole below her belly button? Who the fuck let her out looking like that? :( that picture made me sad in pants.

That might have been a scar from some kind of appendectomy or something. :lmao:

Mr Kels

01-25-2010, 04:05 AM

Lemme get back in chere...

http://imadeafunny.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/public-tele-funny.jpg?w=468&h=374
http://imadeafunny.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/funny-pic-fat-guy-anorexia.jpg?w=450&h=327
http://roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/128952055736237262.jpg
http://i43.tinypic.com/ac79z4.gif
http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff303/Gyrene8490/funny%20stuff/dixienormous.jpg
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c74/mildotpics/Homomilk.jpg
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/fail-owned-mykoc-meds-fail.jpg
http://www.motifake.com/demotivational-poster/0812/speed-demotivational-poster-1228211983.jpg
http://www.motifake.com/demotivational-poster/0902/ghetto-walmart-demotivational-poster-1233612003.jpg
http://members.arstechnica.com/x/thavcat/xc7rpd.jpg

his drug of choice

01-25-2010, 06:46 AM

Lemme get back in chere...

http://imadeafunny.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/public-tele-funny.jpg?w=468&h=374
http://imadeafunny.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/funny-pic-fat-guy-anorexia.jpg?w=450&h=327
http://roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/128952055736237262.jpg
http://i43.tinypic.com/ac79z4.gif
http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff303/Gyrene8490/funny%20stuff/dixienormous.jpg
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c74/mildotpics/Homomilk.jpg
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/fail-owned-mykoc-meds-fail.jpg
http://www.motifake.com/demotivational-poster/0812/speed-demotivational-poster-1228211983.jpg
http://www.motifake.com/demotivational-poster/0902/ghetto-walmart-demotivational-poster-1233612003.jpg
http://members.arstechnica.com/x/thavcat/xc7rpd.jpg

Keep 'em coming! LMMFAO :lmao:

Chelle

01-25-2010, 01:42 PM

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

Joker

01-27-2010, 05:43 PM

tookiewayne

01-27-2010, 08:09 PM

his drug of choice

01-28-2010, 06:30 AM

I am still dying at that damn video of that chick! I mean, seriously, she's CRUMP DANCIN'! She really thinks she's getting it, too, and that makes me sad.

Deuce

01-29-2010, 04:39 PM

Sorry about the thumbnails but they're all in a gallery.

http://thumbnails22.imagebam.com/6585/d4311365849423.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/d4311365849423) http://thumbnails6.imagebam.com/6585/f026ee65849431.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/f026ee65849431) http://thumbnails27.imagebam.com/6585/c32e8965849440.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/c32e8965849440) http://thumbnails25.imagebam.com/6585/25854865849443.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/25854865849443) http://thumbnails28.imagebam.com/6585/6cb55165849446.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/6cb55165849446) http://thumbnails25.imagebam.com/6585/65ec5665849451.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/65ec5665849451) http://thumbnails6.imagebam.com/6585/d3caa665849456.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/d3caa665849456) http://thumbnails20.imagebam.com/6585/424d6665849460.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/424d6665849460) http://thumbnails27.imagebam.com/6585/b3922665849465.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/b3922665849465) http://thumbnails27.imagebam.com/6585/10eed565849467.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/10eed565849467) http://thumbnails5.imagebam.com/6585/740ed765849471.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/740ed765849471) http://thumbnails23.imagebam.com/6585/e8009265849473.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/e8009265849473) http://thumbnails22.imagebam.com/6585/bc48fb65849475.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/bc48fb65849475) http://thumbnails26.imagebam.com/6585/d8633165849479.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/d8633165849479)
Free Image Hosting by ImageBam.com (http://www.imagebam.com)

knightman

01-29-2010, 05:32 PM

That might have been a scar from some kind of appendectomy or something. :lmao:

this looks like the evil side of carribana, like you turned into the wrong alley and ran into this. lol

his drug of choice

01-30-2010, 12:15 AM

Sorry about the thumbnails but they're all in a gallery.

http://thumbnails22.imagebam.com/6585/d4311365849423.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/d4311365849423) http://thumbnails6.imagebam.com/6585/f026ee65849431.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/f026ee65849431) http://thumbnails27.imagebam.com/6585/c32e8965849440.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/c32e8965849440) http://thumbnails25.imagebam.com/6585/25854865849443.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/25854865849443) http://thumbnails28.imagebam.com/6585/6cb55165849446.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/6cb55165849446) http://thumbnails25.imagebam.com/6585/65ec5665849451.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/65ec5665849451) http://thumbnails6.imagebam.com/6585/d3caa665849456.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/d3caa665849456) http://thumbnails20.imagebam.com/6585/424d6665849460.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/424d6665849460) http://thumbnails27.imagebam.com/6585/b3922665849465.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/b3922665849465) http://thumbnails27.imagebam.com/6585/10eed565849467.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/10eed565849467) http://thumbnails5.imagebam.com/6585/740ed765849471.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/740ed765849471) http://thumbnails23.imagebam.com/6585/e8009265849473.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/e8009265849473) http://thumbnails22.imagebam.com/6585/bc48fb65849475.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/bc48fb65849475) http://thumbnails26.imagebam.com/6585/d8633165849479.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/d8633165849479)
Free Image Hosting by ImageBam.com (http://www.imagebam.com)

:lmao: Too damn funny!

scoobysnax

01-30-2010, 08:01 AM

Why did i sit and go thru that whole failbook site...

fuck

Stormhammer

01-31-2010, 03:11 AM

here's one for the thread restart.................

A husband and wife are having an arguement in a restraunt about the declining state of their marriage. The arguement gets more and more heated until it finally turns ugly. The husband stands up and in a loud voice says,"You know what? I've been screwing the Secretary for the past six months!" Having said that, he sits back down.

The wife then stands up. She leans over the table, smiles as sweetly as an angel, and says,"So have I."

-Stormhammer-

Mr Kels

01-31-2010, 03:37 AM

Saw this on somebody's facebook stat-

A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs Viagra. She asks why? He said " isn't that what you give dad to make his shit hard?"

Stormhammer

01-31-2010, 06:49 PM

Saw this on somebody's facebook stat-

A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs Viagra. She asks why? He said " isn't that what you give dad to make his shit hard?"

Ah say.................DAMN! I nearly broke the swivel on the chair laughing when I saw this!!! Aw HELLS YEAH!!

-Stormhammer-

his drug of choice

02-06-2010, 06:32 AM

Uhm...:lmao: Women with mustaches...yes, they have a site dedicated to just that! *gag*

hXXp://www.womenwithmustaches.com/

http://www.womenwithmustaches.com/the_staches/heart.jpg
http://www.womenwithmustaches.com/the_staches/swim.jpg
http://www.womenwithmustaches.com/the_staches/brazil.jpg
http://www.womenwithmustaches.com/the_staches/wedding.jpg
http://www.womenwithmustaches.com/the_staches/russia.jpg

Madonna's daughter? Wow!
http://www.womenwithmustaches.com/the_staches/madonnas_daughter.jpg
http://www.womenwithmustaches.com/the_staches/bighairy.jpg
http://www.womenwithmustaches.com/the_staches/girl1.jpg
http://www.womenwithmustaches.com/the_staches/horror.jpg

Mr Kels

02-06-2010, 07:30 AM

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

http://www.womenwithmustaches.com/the_staches/brazil.jpg

Is that Pedro????

http://www.womenwithmustaches.com/the_staches/wedding.jpg

She looks like this lady I used to see all the time. Difference is, she had five o'clock shadow!

The God of War

02-06-2010, 04:32 PM

Those mustaches rival mine. Easily. Too fucking funny.

ThePianoGuy

02-07-2010, 08:49 AM

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4297386293_1d3cb1c0e8_b.jpg
I need to print these out in mass numbers.

Dpupnya

02-11-2010, 03:08 AM

HAHAHAHAHAHA! That video is Terrible!! God, the next generation makes me nervous!!

goodbrother

02-11-2010, 10:57 PM

Nephew Tommy Prank call - Upright Trashcans (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfmYe-s4JeY)

Listen & Laugh, this was too funny. I listen to all of these.

Deuce

02-12-2010, 12:32 PM

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4058/4297386293_1d3cb1c0e8_b.jpg
I need to print these out in mass numbers.

I DEFINITELY want some of these....

his drug of choice

02-15-2010, 07:38 PM

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Dave/comicmorsecodenice1.png

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Kris/boardgame.png

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/profits.png

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Matt/The-twinkle-in-her-eyes....png

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Dave/comicarcheryamusing.png

bigtwan76

02-15-2010, 10:28 PM

Great thread...

Joker

02-17-2010, 03:47 PM

The God of War

02-17-2010, 05:56 PM

no1chiller

02-18-2010, 12:53 PM

Damn, dude got merced.

Mr Kels

02-19-2010, 02:39 AM

Deuce

02-19-2010, 05:00 AM

his drug of choice

02-19-2010, 05:26 AM

The God of War

02-19-2010, 05:43 AM

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Mr Kels

02-19-2010, 12:05 PM

Sooooo dead @ Tyrone vs. Epic Beard Man!

tookiewayne

02-19-2010, 02:31 PM

this shit is a-mazing

Chelle

02-20-2010, 07:15 PM

A wife is naked in front of the mirror and says to her husband, "Nigga, I feel fat and ugly. Give me a compliment baby." He turns over and says to her, "Bitch, you have perfect vision."

tookiewayne

02-20-2010, 08:03 PM

A wife is naked in front of the mirror and says to her husband, "Nigga, I feel fat and ugly. Give me a compliment baby." He turns over and says to her, "Bitch, you have perfect vision."

:grin: too damn funny boss lady...

his drug of choice

02-20-2010, 08:30 PM

A wife is naked in front of the mirror and says to her husband, "Nigga, I feel fat and ugly. Give me a compliment baby." He turns over and says to her, "Bitch, you have perfect vision."

I'm is died!! :lmao:

Chelle

02-20-2010, 08:39 PM

A husband and wife arrive in heaven. The wife says, "Baby, isn't this great? Here we are together again." Husband says, "Fuck that! The deal was til death do us part. Bitch, I am SINGLE!!!"

Chelle

02-21-2010, 02:47 AM

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"

The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

his drug of choice

02-21-2010, 08:39 AM

http://ohellnawlblog.com/ohncomic/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/ohn_2010_02_03_burgersnigga.jpg

MiMi

02-21-2010, 09:09 AM

A husband and wife arrive in heaven. The wife says, "Baby, isn't this great? Here we are together again." Husband says, "Fuck that! The deal was til death do us part. Bitch, I am SINGLE!!!"

Why did this make me think of Deuce?

his drug of choice

02-21-2010, 07:19 PM

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs300.ash1/22747_1275909391983_1657435035_670616_1851799_n.jp g

http://hphotos-snc3.fbcdn.net/hs141.snc3/16866_1242323512357_1657435035_602907_6653069_n.jp g

http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs241.ash1/16866_1242323712362_1657435035_602912_4787910_n.jp g

http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs141.snc3/16866_1242323792364_1657435035_602914_3914216_n.jp g

http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs121.snc3/16866_1242323832365_1657435035_602915_5329524_n.jp g

http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs121.snc3/16866_1242323872366_1657435035_602916_3467272_n.jp g

http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs125.snc3/17266_1253615794657_1657435035_627089_1216297_n.jp g

http://hphotos-snc3.fbcdn.net/hs145.snc3/17266_1253615834658_1657435035_627090_4479520_n.jp g

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs245.ash1/17266_1253615874659_1657435035_627091_3921185_n.jp g

http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs145.snc3/17266_1253615914660_1657435035_627092_7013311_n.jp g

http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs145.snc3/17266_1253615954661_1657435035_627093_321713_n.jpg

http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs245.ash1/17266_1257616254666_1657435035_634776_1652845_n.jp g

http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs245.ash1/17266_1257616334668_1657435035_634778_7175978_n.jp g

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs141.snc3/16866_1242323912367_1657435035_602917_2857989_n.jp g

http://hphotos-snc3.fbcdn.net/hs141.snc3/16866_1242323952368_1657435035_602918_6804174_n.jp g

This is fucked up! LoL
http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs241.ash1/16866_1245978003717_1657435035_611245_8132040_n.jp g

http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs121.snc3/16866_1245978083719_1657435035_611247_7633822_n.jp g

http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs245.ash1/17266_1253615754656_1657435035_627088_2958133_n.jp g

http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs125.snc3/17266_1253615714655_1657435035_627087_3067112_n.jp g

http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs125.snc3/17266_1257616374669_1657435035_634779_7800873_n.jp g

http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs245.ash1/17266_1257616334668_1657435035_634778_7175978_n.jp g

http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs145.snc3/17266_1258732162563_1657435035_636940_1135246_n.jp g

Just WHAT IN THEEEEEE FUCK?!
http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs138.snc3/18562_1265384528868_1657435035_648772_1637885_n.jp g

Some folks should NOT have kids!
http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs138.snc3/18562_1265384608870_1657435035_648774_7542582_n.jp g

no1chiller

02-21-2010, 08:33 PM

I hate to say it, but I did see the word "Nintendo" first. I think that isn't so good.

his drug of choice

02-21-2010, 08:34 PM

I hate to say it, but I did see the word "Nintendo" first. I think that isn't so good.

Not for her! Hahahaha

scoobysnax

02-21-2010, 08:49 PM

I love this website!

http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/129101038218234233.jpg

http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/129100674447533525.jpg

http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/129100119802748114.jpg

http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/129090164615787957.jpg

his drug of choice

02-21-2010, 09:48 PM

Lmmfao

Chelle

02-22-2010, 12:33 AM

Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?

No, Daddy .She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.

After a brief pause, Daddy says, But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.

Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy Right now.

Brief Pause. Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.

Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.

A few minutes later The little girl comes back to the phone.

I did it, daddy

'And what happened, honey?

Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser And now she isn't moving at all.

'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?

He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window And into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'

*****Long Pause*****

*****Longer Pause****

******Even Longer Pause*****

Then Daddy says, swimming pool ???

...........Is this 486-5731??

No, I think you have the wrong number......

SchlongstaJ

02-22-2010, 01:17 AM

I'm dead for real. Even the kids are looking at me wondering why I'm laughing so hard.

his drug of choice

02-25-2010, 09:15 PM

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/YourInkStinks1.jpg
http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/dumped.png
http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/frameville.png
http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/weekwin3.png
http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/more-rough-relationships3.png
http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/ftw24-4.png
http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/STMIDs1.png

Stormhammer

02-26-2010, 12:32 AM

A wife is naked in front of the mirror and says to her husband, "Nigga, I feel fat and ugly. Give me a compliment baby." He turns over and says to her, "Bitch, you have perfect vision."

:lmao: three words for this: He's Dead Jim.

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"

The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

No words for this! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

-Stormhammer-

---------- Post added 02-26-2010 at 01:32 AM ---------- Previous post was 02-25-2010 at 11:40 PM ----------

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v733/stormhammer/witchWTF.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v733/stormhammer/CA27CHM7.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v733/stormhammer/capt_017192f52d7c47a9859285fd5887c0.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v733/stormhammer/CAVAGZ7L.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v733/stormhammer/FALCONPUNCH.jpg

there ya go friends and fam.

-Stormhammer-

scoobysnax

02-26-2010, 04:12 AM

Ahh, those facebook ones killed me! I am posting from beyond the grave

Stormhammer

02-27-2010, 05:12 AM

ThePianoGuy

02-27-2010, 06:56 AM

hXXp://www.holysmokesbatman.com

Man, Robin said some of the dumbest shit in the good ol' days.

his drug of choice

03-04-2010, 04:40 AM

OMG, I am dying laughing at this gay ass nigga. I swear! See, this kinda shit makes me wonder about some dudes! LMAO

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/nQwJYkjUtSw&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/nQwJYkjUtSw&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Joker

03-04-2010, 01:24 PM

That shit staged as a mugg. And if it aint than gawd damn that's some bullshit. 'I was ooh you did sing to me.' rotflmao.

scoobysnax

03-04-2010, 04:56 PM

This gotta be fake. But it's hilarious nonetheless.

brokeas

03-06-2010, 11:16 PM

this is too funny

Chelle

03-09-2010, 12:02 PM

Doctor: Well, it looks like you're pregnant.
Prostitute: Oh, ok. Damn!
Doctor: Do you know who the father is?
Prostitute: If you ate a can of beans, would you know which one made you fart?

his drug of choice

03-11-2010, 05:22 AM

Got this from another board, and it was too funny not to share. LMAO

Types of Bitches (http://andiamnotlying.com/2010/types-of-bitches/)

March 4th, 2010 by Jeff Simmermon
My friend’s cousin …
Wait a second. You know this is going to be good, when it starts with “My friend’s cousin.”
My friend’s cousin is a teacher at a charter school in Washington, D.C. She found this on the floor of a 3rd grade classroom and recognized it for the gold mine that it is — scanned it into a fax-to-PDF scanner immediately.
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4003/4406511489_cafe7efde9_o.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/simmermon/4406511489/)
See most of the whole, exhaustive list after the jump.

You’ll notice that according to this taxonomy, there are 90 types of bitches. However, there’s a page missing, so we are left to guess what bitch types 44-58 are. If you have any ideas, please do leave them in the comments.
I think it’s possible to be multiple types of bitch at once. I’ve met a number of people who are a combination of 5, 12, and 85-90. One could also evolve into and out of various categories as well. As one friend of mine said “I used to be #33, but now that I’ve grown up a little and my priorities have changed, I am solidly #37.”
Feel free to let me know which type you are in the comments as well — or even chart your trajectory through the list.
This list is fairly neatly written. Spelling and troubled penmanship aside, there are no cross-outs, crumples, stains, etc. This looks like something that was written, maybe as a part of a group, and then placed onto the official record that we see here. I like thinking about an excited group of kids sitting around and charting out all the different types of bitches they can think of and then carefully writing them down onto a master list.
And it was found in a 3rd grade classroom! Either the child who left this behind borrowed this from a much more sophisticated older sibling/cousin, or kids in inner-city D.C. grow up even faster than I thought.
Or both. Anyway, here’s the list.
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4059/4406534065_6cd5214104_o.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/simmermon/4406534065/)
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4061/4407276898_709d4b83b5_o.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/simmermon/4407276898/)
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2691/4406511435_33f67e879f_o.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/simmermon/4406511435/)
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4041/4407276930_31a11e3d39_o.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/simmermon/4407276930/)
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4027/4407276972_41b28b4ecc_o.jpg (http://www.flickr.com/photos/simmermon/4407276972/)

Joker

03-11-2010, 06:44 AM

Confused about number 68...restless tonight so I looked through the list. Not amused but curious about how long it took them to come up with the amount of different bitches as they did.

Deuce

03-11-2010, 11:07 AM

Confused about number 68...restless tonight so I looked through the list. Not amused but curious about how long it took them to come up with the amount of different bitches as they did.

Maybe that's the "Asian, Hurry Up and Buy!" Bitch?

Joker

03-11-2010, 04:31 PM

Ah makes more sense now.

Deuce

03-12-2010, 12:39 AM

maybe I shoulda posted this in the "youknowyoudeadasswrong" thread but you should never ever ever ever ever take a pic like this

http://hosting01.hotchyx.com/adult-image-hosting-13/972524119_360886711165_514056165_3588611_2526007_n .jpg (http://hotchyx.com/)

Chelle

03-12-2010, 02:20 AM

She's hot man....lol

scoobysnax

03-12-2010, 06:12 AM

It's the fairy combat boots that do it for me. Fierce!

his drug of choice

03-12-2010, 06:32 AM

Confused about number 68...restless tonight so I looked through the list. Not amused but curious about how long it took them to come up with the amount of different bitches as they did.

:nana:

---------- Post added at 01:32 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:30 AM ----------

maybe I shoulda posted this in the "youknowyoudeadasswrong" thread but you should never ever ever ever ever take a pic like this

http://hosting01.hotchyx.com/adult-image-hosting-13/972524119_360886711165_514056165_3588611_2526007_n .jpg (http://hotchyx.com/)

Ewww at the pit sweat.

Stormhammer

03-13-2010, 11:38 PM

maybe I shoulda posted this in the "youknowyoudeadasswrong" thread but you should never ever ever ever ever take a pic like this

http://hosting01.hotchyx.com/adult-image-hosting-13/972524119_360886711165_514056165_3588611_2526007_n .jpg (http://hotchyx.com/)

MY EYES!!!! MY EYES!!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?

Okay. this joke I heard last night on the Batman cartoon........

Doctor: well, I have bad news and worse news.
patient okay. give me the bad news.
Doctor The bad news is, you only have one day left to live.
patientMY GOD!! How on earth can the other news possibly be worse?
DoctorWell, that's the thing.................

...................I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

-Stormhammer-

his drug of choice

03-14-2010, 05:16 AM

LMAO @ that one. Damn shame!

jroc

03-14-2010, 06:11 AM

Old white dude is my new hero. Yall be finding some classic shit.

Mr Kels

03-20-2010, 04:10 PM

Found this site called latenightmistakes.com. Buncha drunk mofos doing drunk mofo shit.

http://latenightmistakes.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/umhomos.jpg
http://latenightmistakes.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/drunk2.jpg
http://latenightmistakes.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/1263drunk-shaming-1.jpeg
http://latenightmistakes.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/drunk_girls_myspace.0.0.0x0.294x441.jpg
http://latenightmistakes.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/drunk-dude-11.jpg

Joker

03-25-2010, 01:39 PM

Oh thats nasty.

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j108/turbo_roy/yu1xxqa-whoopsrobber1.gif

http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/5440/dsfasdfsaf.gif

brokeas

03-25-2010, 05:36 PM

hehehe

blizz77

03-25-2010, 06:41 PM

The cashier should've shot him in his ass. I can't stop laughing at his dumb ass.

his drug of choice

03-25-2010, 11:08 PM

Oh thats nasty.

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j108/turbo_roy/yu1xxqa-whoopsrobber1.gif

http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/5440/dsfasdfsaf.gif

:lmao:

That "robber" gets the bumblefuck award of the year. *smh*

Chelle

03-26-2010, 03:04 AM

A blonde drops off her black dress at the cleaners. On the way out the lady at the counter says, come again. The blonde says, it's toothpaste this time, you nosey bitch.

Alex Krycek

03-26-2010, 12:42 PM

maybe I shoulda posted this in the "youknowyoudeadasswrong" thread but you should never ever ever ever ever take a pic like this

http://hosting01.hotchyx.com/adult-image-hosting-13/972524119_360886711165_514056165_3588611_2526007_n .jpg (http://hotchyx.com/)

She looks like the black version of Mimi Bobeck from the Drew Carey show.

his drug of choice

03-27-2010, 06:55 AM

A blonde drops off her black dress at the cleaners. On the way out the lady at the counter says, come again. The blonde says, it's toothpaste this time, you nosey bitch.
:lmao:

Stormhammer

03-29-2010, 07:02 PM

http://img408.imageshack.us/i/photosb.jpg/

One easy way to tell that your employees have too much time on their hands.

-Stormhammer-

his drug of choice

04-01-2010, 07:17 AM

http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/strip-3-31-10-slausacus1.jpg

Mr Kels

04-01-2010, 03:32 PM

^^ :lmao: WTF is he wearing?!?!?

cryterion> have you ever noticed that if you stretch your nutsack out, it looks like silk?

hipnotoad> Ah that was good, a new record, i lasted ten seconds!
<tate> Quick Draw McGraw, they call him
<Tony> so what if Deon is Quick Draw, for me, its like a twinkie, the best part is the cream.

Superpig> my uncle has a celeron
Superpig> would XP run on it, do you think?
ravuya> about as well as a dog runs with no legs or torso
ravuya> and with bricks tied to its head
ravuya> at the bottom of a solid concrete pool
ravuya> filled with dead corpses and rocks
Superpig> so, about the same as it runs on my P4 then
ravuya> more or less

Vexx> laptops needs a new name
Vexx> 'cause if you keep them on your lap, it burns your crotch.
+winterlike> sounds like a girl i once knew

SoberIRL> my gf is getting her tongue pierced soon :D
Drewtetz> you can finally find out what it'll be like to have a rod and two balls in your mouth!

jcm> would having a woman as the main character change anything?
jcm> it would still be GTA
gwizz> yeah
gwizz> grand theft alimony

his drug of choice

04-02-2010, 05:26 AM

Those were pretty damn hilarious!

Mr Kels

04-03-2010, 12:52 AM

Heard this from my coworker -

Tonto and the Lone Ranger were traveling, when suddenly Tonto stopped. He got down on his knees and put his ear to the ground. He then looked at the Lone Ranger and said "Buffalo, come." The Lone Ranger looked at him and asked "How can you tell?" Tonto pointed at his cheek and said "Face, sticky."

The God of War

04-03-2010, 02:08 AM

:lmao: Kels and hdoc are murdering me. And i hate hdoc for the O Hell Nawl blog and comic. :lmao:

blizz77

04-03-2010, 05:10 PM

Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can't see each other using sign language.

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on penis one time."
"If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis....seventy five times."

Joker

04-03-2010, 11:34 PM

I needed this laugh. Slausacus...woow rotflmao.

Alex Krycek

04-04-2010, 01:11 AM

wenches is a funny word...

Freddy get those wenches away from my car. Yep. The applications are limitless.

his drug of choice

04-04-2010, 05:18 AM

Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can't see each other using sign language.

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on penis one time."
"If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis....seventy five times."

:lmao: I'm fuckin' dead!!

Chelle

04-08-2010, 09:13 PM

A stranger was seated next to a little black girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, “Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her coloring book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, “What would you like to talk about?” “Oh, I don't know,” said the stranger. “Since you are an Afro American, do you think that So-called President Barak Obama is qualified for the job?” and he smiles.. “OK”, she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass -. Yet a deer excretes little pellets,while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?” The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.” To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss President Barak Obama...when you don't know shit!!!

<link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CChelle%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmso htmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CChelle%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmso htmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CChelle%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmso htmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><style>  </style> A man decides to get a face lift for his bday. After the procedure, feeling really good, he asks a stranger how old he thinks he is. "About 35," the guy answers. "I'm actually 47." replies the man. In mcdonalds waiting for lunch, he asks one of the workers the same question, replying "29 I'd guess." While standing at the bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She says, "I'm 85 and my eyesight is going. When I was young, I had a sure way of telling a man"s age. I've just gotta put my hand in your pants and play around for 10 minutes." As there was no one else around, the man thought what the hell at let her do it. After 10 minutes, the old lady says, "ok, done, you are 47." "That's brilliant!" says the man stunned. "How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you in mcdonalds."

<link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CChelle%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmso htmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CChelle%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmso htmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CChelle%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmso htmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><style>  </style> Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker. Harry says, 'Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a $100. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner. Five minutes later a guy pulls up and says, 'How much? She says, '$100. 'He says 'Shit. I got $30. She runs n asks Harry,' What can he get for $30? Harry says, 'A hand job'. She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for $30 is a hand job. He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a really HUGE penis . She stares at it for a minute, and then says, 'I'll be right back. She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, 'Harry, can you PLEASE lend this guy seventy bucks' <o:p> </o:p>

his drug of choice

04-09-2010, 06:27 AM

That last one has my laughing HARD! LMMFAO

I love those other ones, too, though. And, with that, I'm going to bed. G'nyte, beautiful people!

blizz77

04-09-2010, 04:04 PM

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker. Harry says, 'Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a $100. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner. Five minutes later a guy pulls up and says, 'How much? She says, '$100. 'He says 'Shit. I got $30. She runs n asks Harry,' What can he get for $30? Harry says, 'A hand job'. She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for $30 is a hand job. He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a really HUGE penis . She stares at it for a minute, and then says, 'I'll be right back. She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, 'Harry, can you PLEASE lend this guy seventy bucks'

That's some funny shit.:lmao:

Alex Krycek

04-10-2010, 04:25 PM

http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/terminal01/2010/4/1/18/3-invisible-dicks-23149-1270159242-22.jpg

his drug of choice

04-10-2010, 05:20 PM

^^Small ones, at that! LMAO

Stormhammer

04-11-2010, 07:27 PM

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y104/tsdcs/cell%20phone%20pics/01270975926321000000462415.jpg

I'll let this one speak for itself. The minds and souls of kids are gonna get corrupted like a harddrive with a magnet sitting on it.

-Stormhammer-

ThePianoGuy

04-11-2010, 09:18 PM

Michael Jackson: He told you he was "Off the Wall", that he was a "Thriller", that he was "Bad" and that he was "Dangerous". Next album would have been called "Don't say I didn't warn you."

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/endwin4.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/fan9-1.png

Alex Krycek

04-12-2010, 12:44 AM

lol @ herpes.

The God of War

04-12-2010, 01:56 AM

lol @ Sarah Palin holdin invisible peens or clits.

Those two lamebook posts are for the complete win for $500, Bob! :lmao:

MrDeez84

04-12-2010, 04:28 AM

The following is a link to an article -- but the most important part is the video attached with it. Jim Nantz, CBS announcer unintentionally drops one of the best lines heard on sports commentary in a while.

LINK (http://www.nowpublic.com/sports/jim-nantz-says-tiger-woods-managed-69-2010-masters-video-2603995.html)

Stormhammer

04-12-2010, 06:31 PM

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/40/Flemish_giant_with_child.jpg

Prepare for the scare.

* I found this pic funny because of a movie called Night Of The Lepus. Unless you're familiar with it, you probably won't laugh, but get this feeling of,"That kid is DEAD." Enjoy either way.*

Chelle

04-13-2010, 12:42 AM

A female office arrests a drunk man. She warns him, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you!"

The drunk man replies, "Boobs!!"

Stormhammer

04-13-2010, 11:50 PM

A female office arrests a drunk man. She warns him, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you!"

The drunk man replies, "Boobs!!"

:lmao: Damn. I have to remember that if I ever get in that situation.

-Stormhammer-

blizz77

04-16-2010, 01:00 AM

This is the funniest shit I've seen today.

http://www.sohcahtoa.net/videos/respect.swf

Mr Kels

04-16-2010, 02:59 AM

^^ That was truly fucking hilarious. If I could rep you, I so would.

The God of War

04-16-2010, 03:58 AM

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! blizz done kilt me with that one!

knightman

04-16-2010, 04:09 AM

This is the funniest shit I've seen today.

http://www.sohcahtoa.net/videos/respect.swf

awesome. :lmao:

ThePianoGuy

04-16-2010, 05:12 PM

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds " My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."
The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"
"Look! We're going fishing and that's final."
"Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!"
"Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ass!"
The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!"
"Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!"
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?"
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!"
"Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!"
"Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either."

---------- Post added at 11:12 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:01 AM ----------

(Tasteless warning!)

A newly-wed couple wake up on the first morning of the their honeymoon in the Caribbean and decide to take a stroll down the beach.
On their way they pass a shanty house, and sitting on the front porch is an overweight woman, stark naked, legs akimbo, eating a slice of watermelon.
The husband sees this and liking the idea of his new wife exhibiting her body in public asks her whether she would do the same. The wife looks at him in disgust and refuses.
The second morning they pass the shanty house again and, sure enough, the overweight woman is sitting on the porch stark naked, legs akimbo, eating another slice of watermelon.
Not being put off be his new wife's refusal, the husband enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" The wife again refuses.
This continues each morning for two weeks until it is the last day of the honeymoon. Each morning they would pass by the woman, each morning the husband would try to persuade his new wife to copy her and each morning the wife would refuse.
However, it being the last morning the husband gives it one more try and enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?"
The wife finally gives in, opens the gate of the shanty house and walks up to the overweight woman on the front porch. "What does it feel like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" she asks, hesitantly.
"I don't rightly know, replies the woman, "but it sure keeps the flies off of my watermelon."

scoobysnax

04-16-2010, 05:27 PM

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."
The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"
"Look! We're going fishing and that's final."
"Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!"
"Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ass!"
The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!"
"Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!"
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?"
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!"
"Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!"
"Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either."

Hilarious!

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l0hkqjJRFx1qzn26vo1_400.png

Stormhammer

04-20-2010, 06:08 PM

@piano Guy: :lmao: Damn, I'm dying over here!!!! :lmao: I've gotta look up a few good ones for this thread.

-Stormhammer-

Stormhammer

04-22-2010, 09:05 PM

Life's a bitch, but she's got a Beautifully fine ass with legs to match.

-Stormhammer-

Mr Kels

04-23-2010, 02:43 AM

Heard this from a coworker.

A man was robbing a bank and afterwards he ran out. There were three people standing outside, and he approached them. He walked up to the first. "Did you see me rob this bank?" "Yes" The first man replied. BLAM! Shot him in the face. "Did you see me rob this bank?" "Yes" The second replied. BLAM! Shot him in the face. "Did you see me rob this bank?" He asked the third man. "No. But my wife did!"

Stormhammer

04-23-2010, 03:51 AM

Heard this from a coworker.

A man was robbing a bank and afterwards he ran out. There were three people standing outside, and he approached them. He walked up to the first. "Did you see me rob this bank?" "Yes" The first man replied. BLAM! Shot him in the face. "Did you see me rob this bank?" "Yes" The second replied. BLAM! Shot him in the face. "Did you see me rob this bank?" He asked the third man. "No. But my wife did!"

:lmao: Damn!

-Stormhammer-

ThePianoGuy

04-23-2010, 05:29 PM

Man, have any of you sat and browsed through the Craiglist personal ads. That shit gives me a few good chuckles.

"I am looking for some entertainment.
Most people on here suck...but give me something to do.

send pics...must be good looking"

Translation: I need a hot guy to compensate for the fact that I am boring and I have no friends.

"hello my name is Jennifer im looking for a marriage of convenience with a military member i want to do this asap so please be serious and tell me what your looking for and what your expectations are if you send a pic i will send one back thank you :) "

Translation: I am looking to win the divorce-lottery

It can not be this hard to find a single man in this town?
Someone who has his own career, no criminal history, and is not a werido?
Oh and did I mention not married; however those ones are starting to intrest me since they do not need as much attention as a single man might, but
that will go no where but to the bedroom,i'm looking for someone who I can go out in public with and do stuff with and who knows what else!!

Translation: I like to bitch and moan..please date me

"okay now this is strange i am looking for someone that can help me out with a stable place to live while i go to college in exchange for cooking and cleaning maybe poss someone to date "

Translation: I need someone to leech off of.

Well I'm going out tonight and want a date to go out with me. Be old enough too drink and open to anything that might happen. [removed phone number] I'lle be at work for the day but can check my messages while I'm working. So if you're up too it let me know. I get off at 5 but have a few things too get done before I go out tonight. Hope too hear from you.

Translation: I want to get you drunk, have sex with you, and then leave on the side of the road somewhere

Lookin for a woman who knows what they want and what do to .. email me pic for pic.

Translation: I don't want to plan things, so I'm making it your job. Wanting sex is a plus!

"My name is Greg i am 44 in real good shape(used to play football, baseball, etc) aka no beer gut tall 6'3'' in shape and attractive you will get pics after you text me. I am looking for fun and excitement, attractive girls, and who knows what else. There are lots of girls around can you get my attention? Ask when you text me and we can trade pics etc." [phone number removed]

Translation: I'm going to play reverse psychology and suggest that you to chase me by saying that I am a great catch and that there are "lots of girls around" that are [not] chasing me.

Stormhammer

04-24-2010, 06:20 PM

This is a good one.........................

A Louisiana Sheriff stops at a farm in rural Louisiana and talks with an old farmer. He tells the farmer, I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs.

The old farmer says, Okay, but dont go in that field over there.

The sheriff verbally explodes saying, Mister, I have the authority of the Sheriffs Department with me. Reaching into his rear pants pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer.
See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish....on anyones land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?

The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the Sheriff running for his life and close behind is the farmers bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The Sheriff is clearly terrified...

The old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs......

Your badge! Show him your badge! :lmao:

-Stormhammer-

Chelle

04-25-2010, 01:48 AM

Chelle

04-25-2010, 01:55 AM

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.

'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane... 'At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs.'

Mummy fainted!

Moral: sometimes you need to just shut the fuck up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!

scoobysnax

04-25-2010, 06:37 PM

I'm mad I actually cracked a smile at this one.

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1273.jpg

his drug of choice

04-26-2010, 06:27 AM

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Dave/comicstd1.png

---------- Post added at 01:27 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:25 AM ----------

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to Ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she Would go to Italy to secretly have the child.. If she stayed in Italy To raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, And Write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the Child Support payment to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'You received a very strange postcard today,' she said.

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he replied. The Wife obeyed.

And watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without.

I've always loved that joke! =)

blizz77

04-26-2010, 02:17 PM

NEVER CHEAT ON A COUNTRY WOMAN!

A country wife came home just in time to find her
husband in bed with another woman.
With superhuman strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood,
lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the
stairs, out the back door, and into the barn.

She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly and removed
the handle. Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw.

The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, "Stop ! Stop !
You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye,
put the saw in her husband's hand and said ----

"Nope....You are!
I'm gonna burn down the Barn!!!

Stormhammer

04-27-2010, 11:25 AM

NEVER CHEAT ON A COUNTRY WOMAN!

A country wife came home just in time to find her
husband in bed with another woman.
With superhuman strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood,
lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the
stairs, out the back door, and into the barn.

She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly and removed
the handle. Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw.

The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, "Stop ! Stop !
You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye,
put the saw in her husband's hand and said ----

"Nope....You are!
I'm gonna burn down the Barn!!!

Oh SHIET! :lmao: Who says revenge is a dish best served cold?

-Stormhammer-

his drug of choice

04-29-2010, 02:08 AM

Joker

04-29-2010, 02:37 AM

The auto-tune shit is corny...but I am cracking up over the level of ash on homie's knuckles. Like that brotha into fisting burnt mummies or some shit.

Mr Kels

04-29-2010, 03:11 AM

That shit is corny as hell. I hate everything about youtube.

But I'm mad as shit at the dude in the first one. My man ain't even have to be that angry at Ken. :lmao:

his drug of choice

04-29-2010, 07:34 AM

I don't give a damn what y'all think, that shit had me dying laughing! LMAO His cry ALONE was enough to put me in tears.

Y'all can kiss my plump ass! :lmao:

Stormhammer

04-29-2010, 10:49 AM

I don't give a damn what y'all think, that shit had me dying laughing! LMAO His cry ALONE was enough to put me in tears.

Y'all can kiss my plump ass! :lmao:

*Rushes to the front of the line.* STAND BACK BITCHES!!!!!!! I'LL HANDLE THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

bend and bare it babe!! here come the lips!!!!!!!!

-Stormhammer-

Mr Kels

04-29-2010, 02:56 PM

That shit is corny as hell. I hate everything about youtube.

But I'm mad as shit at the dude in the first one. My man ain't even have to be that angry at Ken. :lmao:

Oops! Meant to say I hate everything about autotunes. Me lurves youtube.

And I would so kiss, suck, and bite your plump ass, but Stormie beat me to it. Meh, I'll take leftovers *patiently waits* :ras:

ThePianoGuy

05-02-2010, 11:38 AM

blizz77

05-02-2010, 12:14 PM

ThePianoGuy

05-02-2010, 01:02 PM

Could have done without the overacting keyboard guy tho.

Whatever dude, he was the best part. Typical hype man

Can't have Flip-Mode Squad without Spliff Star

Stormhammer

05-02-2010, 08:53 PM

his drug of choice

05-03-2010, 07:14 AM

I am so done at that video! LMAO

"I want big booty bitches. Big, big booty bitches. Whoooo!" :lmao:

blizz77

05-03-2010, 03:40 PM

Little Johnny strikes again ...

Fred and Larry got married in California.
They couldn't afford a honeymoon so, they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Fred and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...... I gave him my airplane glue.'

Little Johnny strikes again ...

Fred and Larry got married in California.
They couldn't afford a honeymoon so, they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Fred and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...... I gave him my airplane glue.'

ThePianoGuy

05-03-2010, 05:10 PM

Stormhammer

05-04-2010, 05:35 PM

http://hypebeast.com/forum/showthread.php?t=131064

:lmao: Holy Shit!!! This is the reason God invented Photoshop. *WARNING* Page three WILL make you throw up laughing.

-Stormhammer-

The God of War

05-04-2010, 05:47 PM

http://hypebeast.com/forum/showthread.php?t=131064

:lmao: Holy Shit!!! This is the reason God invented Photoshop. *WARNING* Page three WILL make you throw up laughing.

-Stormhammer-
That is for the muthafuckin win~! Epic as all hell!

his drug of choice

05-05-2010, 06:20 AM

http://hypebeast.com/forum/showthread.php?t=131064

:lmao: Holy Shit!!! This is the reason God invented Photoshop. *WARNING* Page three WILL make you throw up laughing.

-Stormhammer-

Made my stomach hurt from trying not to laugh out loud (considering it's 1 in the am). :lmao:

Joker

05-05-2010, 01:53 PM

Mr Kels

05-05-2010, 11:55 PM

Another one from my coworker

A man and his wife were getting it in. They decided to do a 69. Afterwards, the husband remembered that he had a dentist appointment, and didn't wanna go with his breath smelling like pussy. So he brushed and gargled but it didn't work. He repeated it a few more times before heading out the door. Once he arrived, he could still taste it on his breath, so he grabbed a handful of mints and shoved them in his mouth. A little later, he met with the dentist and was sitting in the chair. Once he opened his mouth and the dentist moved in, he backed off with a look of disgust on his face. "Ugh!" He said. "Were you just 69'ing?" He asked. "Can you smell the pussy on my breath?" The man asked. "No, your forehead smells like shit!"

blizz77

05-06-2010, 03:01 AM

Another one from my coworker

A man and his wife were getting it in. They decided to do a 69. Afterwards, the husband remembered that he had a dentist appointment, and didn't wanna go with his breath smelling like pussy. So he brushed and gargled but it didn't work. He repeated it a few more times before heading out the door. Once he arrived, he could still taste it on his breath, so he grabbed a handful of mints and shoved them in his mouth. A little later, he met with the dentist and was sitting in the chair. Once he opened his mouth and the dentist moved in, he backed off with a look of disgust on his face. "Ugh!" He said. "Were you just 69'ing?" He asked. "Can you smell the pussy on my breath?" The man asked. "No, your forehead smells like shit!"

That was some funny shit.:lmao: No pun intended.

Mr Kels

05-06-2010, 03:18 AM

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/1321.jpg

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/1314.jpg

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/1313.jpg

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1303.jpg

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1310.jpg

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1299.jpg

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1294.jpg

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1288.jpg

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1289.jpg

ThePianoGuy

05-06-2010, 04:16 PM

his drug of choice

05-07-2010, 04:56 AM

I LOVE Southwest Airlines!

The God of War

05-07-2010, 03:37 PM

goddamn peopleofwalmart.com. I fake hate you Kels. :lmao:

no1chiller

05-09-2010, 09:51 PM

Check this out fam, I thought it was pretty funny.

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZpEBWeGJC5k&border=1&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZpEBWeGJC5k&border=1&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

Stormhammer

05-14-2010, 12:12 AM

http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/1294.jpg

What in the name of the 29 hells is THAT thing? Do I laugh, shoot, or laugh and shoot?

............I'm going for number three. Lock and load.

-Stormhammer-

---------- Post added 05-14-2010 at 12:12 AM ---------- Previous post was 05-13-2010 at 11:12 PM ----------

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZP4Ugev82I

Worst. wedding. DJ. EVER.

-Stormhammer-

Mr Kels

05-14-2010, 02:51 AM

^^ That's just... okay? HOT ASS MESS!

brokeas

05-14-2010, 03:45 AM

this whole thread is funny

Stormhammer

05-15-2010, 04:56 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lC88Op6cJo

This takes "Bring your daughter to work" day to a whole new level. :lmao:

-Stormhammer-

Mr Kels

05-16-2010, 03:36 AM

:lmao:

Leave it to Stormie to find Japanese wrestling little girls!

wurf

05-17-2010, 05:27 PM

Mr Kels

05-17-2010, 08:43 PM

^^ So done after that. I just knew autotunes would kick in after a while. :lmao:

Mr Kels

05-18-2010, 03:10 AM

http://pics.livejournal.com/cellardor/pic/000zgt4z

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_vp5e5A0CjcY/SMhDosyHcqI/AAAAAAAAAIk/UI31-ZiIrBo/s1600/CSI%2BMiami%2B-%2BHoratio%2B-%2B1.jpg

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_vp5e5A0CjcY/SMhDxG6rHqI/AAAAAAAAAIs/A3rqq6PM7wA/s1600/CSI%2BMiami%2B-%2BHoratio%2B-%2B2.jpg

http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk43/TheUnwind/2008%20-%20June/HoratioComic3.jpg

Stormhammer

05-18-2010, 04:12 AM

:lmao: Okay. that was funnier than I expected it to be.

-Stormhammer-

his drug of choice

05-18-2010, 04:40 AM

LMAO OMG, Horatio is so IRRITATING when he does that slow motion, take off the shades move. LMAO I love watching CSI: Miami, but he is toooooo overdramatic.

The God of War

05-18-2010, 05:37 AM

Those will petersen joints were hilarity inducing.

Stormhammer

05-18-2010, 10:45 PM

LMAO OMG, Horatio is so IRRITATING when he does that slow motion, take off the shades move. LMAO I love watching CSI: Miami, but he is toooooo overdramatic.

LOL. He's the new William Shatner with that junk.

-Stormhammer-

his drug of choice

05-19-2010, 04:01 AM

@Stormie. Yup! Hahahaha

Mr Kels

05-20-2010, 04:45 AM

http://www.pornfail.com/images/pf-58.jpg

http://www.pornfail.com/images/pf-23.jpg

http://www.pornfail.com/images/pf-11.gif

http://www.pornfail.com/images/pf-5.gif
You can literally see dude saying "Wipe it!" :lmao:

http://www.pornfail.com/images/pf-109.gif

http://www.pornfail.com/images/pf-66.gif
My man stopped eating the other girl out to watch the cumshot intently... Soooo done!

Stormhammer

05-20-2010, 10:39 PM

http://mediatakeout.com/40939/police_sentence_new_jerseys_biggest_pimp_to_18_yea rs_in_prison____and_you_aint_gonna_believe_how_cra zy_the_pimp_looks.html

The pic speaks for itself. :lmao:

EDIT: Pornfail is for the win. :lmao:

-Stormhammer-

Stormhammer

05-21-2010, 02:07 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XS5skYShNSQ

My fellow fans of the fanny, I bring forth the funny.

-Stormhammer-

Mr Kels

05-21-2010, 03:31 AM

^^ Sooo dead. Just really dead. That video is freaking epic! :lmao:

brokeas

05-21-2010, 06:43 PM

Stormhammer

05-21-2010, 08:57 PM

:lmao: What in the hell?

-Stormhammer-

his drug of choice

05-21-2010, 09:19 PM

Blueberries! Blueberries!

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5kLS-Wvxijc&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5kLS-Wvxijc&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

brokeas

05-22-2010, 12:52 AM

that shit was funny huh storm

---------- Post added 05-22-2010 at 12:52 AM ---------- Previous post was 05-21-2010 at 11:28 PM ----------

that lil girl hurt herself

his drug of choice

05-22-2010, 06:13 AM

Joker

05-22-2010, 03:02 PM

Stormhammer

05-23-2010, 01:35 PM

Blueberries! Blueberries!

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5kLS-Wvxijc&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5kLS-Wvxijc&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

And this is why she never gets her own cooking show. :lmao:

-Stormhammer-

his drug of choice

05-23-2010, 09:49 PM

And this is why she never gets her own cooking show. :lmao:

-Stormhammer-

She was too cute, though! LoL

Mr Kels

05-25-2010, 03:07 AM

Okay, so I've been having some weird dreams lately. In one last week, I dreamed that God was a female and I knew her personally. Not only that, I was in love with her and trynna make her my girl. Weirdness.

Had another one a few days ago. I dreamed I was messing with this Cambodian chick that I used to work with. We were in my room and somehow she ended up touching my man junk - which was ready for bidness. So I told her to go head and put her mouth on it. The result was similar to this guy.

hxxp://www.tubbybob.com/chapter1.html

Make sure you watch the trailer. The last thing that happened was me. *sigh* smmfh

The God of War

05-25-2010, 03:14 AM

Tubby Kels. :lmao:

Actually, that shit was kinda funny. Sad, but funny.

ugg

05-25-2010, 11:58 AM

That is SOOOOOOOOOO photoshopped! LMAO

Damn I hope so... Thats a huge .........:thankyou:

---------- Post added at 11:58 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:57 AM ----------

I neededa good laugh thanks.....

blizz77

05-25-2010, 02:11 PM

G'damn, my day is starting off good after seeing this funny ass shit.

http://markmalazarte.com/lollerskates.gif

Stormhammer

05-25-2010, 05:56 PM

G'damn, my day is starting off good after seeing this funny ass shit.

http://markmalazarte.com/lollerskates.gif

Now that was just wrong. :lmao:

-Stormhammer-

The God of War

05-25-2010, 05:58 PM

G'damn, my day is starting off good after seeing this funny ass shit.

http://markmalazarte.com/lollerskates.gif
HahAHahahaahahhhahaha! Like a boss!

Stormhammer

05-25-2010, 06:40 PM

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v733/stormhammer/hotassbikinibabecard.jpg

If this card was in the deck, I'm sure more people would play the game.

-Stormhammer-

brokeas

05-25-2010, 06:55 PM

poe bob... done busted in .04 seconds.. heheh

Mr Kels

05-26-2010, 02:00 AM

Tubby Kels. :lmao:

Actually, that shit was kinda funny. Sad, but funny.

lol Tubby Kels indeed. What makes the dream even weirder; I wasn't embarrassed about it, but the chick was. How much sense does that make?

G'damn, my day is starting off good after seeing this funny ass shit.

http://markmalazarte.com/lollerskates.gif

I... have no words. That shit is just tooooo :lmao: funny!

http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/6476/cookiemonsterj.jpg

I should make this my avatar

Stormhammer

05-26-2010, 02:20 AM

http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/6476/cookiemonsterj.jpg

I should make this my avatar

:lmao: I just about rolled out the chair laughing at that! You can't mess with a man's cookies, especially not if he's the cookie monster.

-Stormhammer-

Mr Kels

05-26-2010, 04:52 AM

LMAO OMG, Horatio is so IRRITATING when he does that slow motion, take off the shades move. LMAO I love watching CSI: Miami, but he is toooooo overdramatic.

Hey eff you buddy! Horatio is the man! You know you love the dramatic pause.... replace/take off the shades move lol. Just for that...

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_sarYH0z948&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_sarYH0z948&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

The comments are just as hilarious

#
loldecepticonlol
1 day ago 6
Woman: The test results of the swab of the victim's ear came back positive for semen.
Caruso: Do you think she...
(puts on sun glasses)
Heard him cumming?
YYYEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

#
jerkthezerk
1 day ago 4
"The wife is in the other room. She's in denial that her husband drowned in his lover's semen." "Well, you know what they say, 'the truth is hard to swallow'."
WHHHHHAAAAA-!

#
JanisXAChambers
19 minutes ago
Caruso formula: 1.One word answer to random question 2 Dramatic pause to put on sunglasses with both hands 3. Followup answer with an average of seven syllables. 4. "Yeahhhhhh!"

#
sixflags2008
40 minutes ago
Woman: Sir, we've found out that the man found hanging was part of a porn stunt gone wrong.
Caruso: Well i guess you could say that this porn star... (Puts on glasses)
Was really hung.
YEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

#
Deemikey
41 minutes ago
Frank: Horatio the victim was anally impaled with a bottle of detergent before he was hung up there.
Horatio:Well Frank, he... (long pause, sunglasses) should have used soap-on-a-rope.
YYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

#
jfuya2000
1 hour ago
He always walks off!!! lol
Even @ 3:17 when he's on a fucking BOAT!!!

#
KickGear
1 hour ago
Caruso: Mr Smith we believe it was indeed you who killed DJ Jazzy Jeff
Will: And why's that officer?
Caruso: Because you left... fresh prints.... YYYYYYEAAAAAAHHHH

#
chcskater610
2 days ago 2
"The victim was found with his penis in a jar of peanut butter."
Looks like he was... *puts on glasses*
Fucking nuts.

#
icyice1994
4 days ago 4
Horatio: "he killed your family. but i promise you *puts on shades* he wont do it again"
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

#
arnings
4 days ago 6
A prostitute is floating in the water. ''It looks like ............. she is sleeping with the fishes. YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

#
Wraith6669able
4 days ago 11
-"H, We found the victim with part of a penis stuck in her throat..."
-Horatio: "Looks like our victim...*puts on glasses*...bit off more than she could chew."
YEEEAAAA!!!

#
Alkahaulin
2 months ago 91
Horatio Caine? "Yes.." We've heard that a trainer was just killed by one of the orcas at sea world. "Well I think this murder...was orca-strated." YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

#
sneakitout
3 months ago 128
'Horatio, a man runs over a woman - who's fault is it?' 'Well,...why is the man...*puts on shades*..driving in the kitchen?' YEEAAAAHHHH....

Stormhammer

05-26-2010, 03:45 PM

From Mr. Kels post above.......
#
sneakitout
3 months ago 128
'Horatio, a man runs over a woman - who's fault is it?' 'Well,...why is the man...*puts on shades*..driving in the kitchen?' YEEAAAAHHHH....

:lmao: Aw HELLS NAW!!!! Once again, I'm all SIMSFL. (Slain In My Seat From Laughter) Damn!!!!

-Stormhammer-

brokeas

05-26-2010, 06:47 PM

this mess is too funny

Mr Kels

06-01-2010, 06:33 AM

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/gary4.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/fanmon1.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/monwin2.png

http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/funny-facebook-making-sence.png?w=225&h=319

http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/funny-facebook-superhero-fa.png?w=422&h=491

http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/fashion-fail-whats-your-flavor.jpg?w=453&h=604

I have never instantly hated someone that I didn't know before seeing this...

Had to drop something off for Storm :thumbsup:

http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129172372356511176.jpg

Aaaaand one for GoW :wave:

http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129181869328186630.jpg

Can't forget about my man Joker! :yes:

http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129189919532153143.jpg?w=420&h=630

And of course, a lil sum'n sum'n for Chelles and Soul :smile2:

http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129182360588980572.jpg?w=489&h=600
http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129181640709393200.jpg?w=500&h=536

The God of War

06-01-2010, 06:50 AM

Aaaaand one for GoW :wave:

http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129181869328186630.jpg

I. Fucking. Hate. You. So. Much. Right. Now. :laugh: :lmao: :laugh: :lmao: :laugh: :lmao:

I owe you big time rep for this one. Saved my week. Instantly.

Stormhammer

06-01-2010, 04:23 PM

Had to drop something off for Storm :thumbsup:

http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/129172372356511176.jpg

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY EYES!! IT BURNS! COMPUTER! SHIELDS UP DAMMIT!! SWITCH TO GPS AND GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AUTO-ROUTE2!!!

Why do things like this always happen to me when I'm trying to eat? I nearly threw up on my keyboard. That was some funny shit though kels. :lmao: The black two-face killed me. :lmao: blue and purple for the lose homie.

-Stormhammer-

brokeas

06-01-2010, 07:38 PM

what the hell.. good lawd.. now she know damn well not to come out the house like that

blizz77

06-02-2010, 02:00 AM

LMAO!!! She must have told her kids not to leave the damn house and they left anyway. "You take yo ass to that damn party if you want to. I'm gonna come over there and embarrass your ass in front of all your friends." :no:

Mr Kels

06-03-2010, 12:16 AM

Back for more!

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/bummedout3.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/tt1-2.png
I dare someone to read this without getting frustrated/pissed off/a headache!

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/whatina2.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/pedoo2.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/review1.png

http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/sjp_sexdoll.jpg

http://www.dlisted.com/files/imagecache/photo-preview/files/galleries/blowupdoll3.jpg

Joker

06-03-2010, 04:18 AM

...damn I'm mad at this whole page.

Cept for JHo. I'm buying one. FUCK YOU DONT JUDGE ME!

The God of War

06-03-2010, 05:43 AM

...damn I'm mad at this whole page.

Cept for JHo. I'm buying one. FUCK YOU DONT JUDGE ME!
Her booty ain't even all that big.

That being said, I will prolly get one. And a fleshlight.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_9MrCLXq5ubs/TAVaMR8HTEI/AAAAAAAATww/bAAFzPfHilQ/s1600/96370919.jpg

Damn Joker, looking shaaaaaaaaaarp wit yo Possum Alouicious Jankins wig on.

Joker

06-04-2010, 12:38 AM

I'm all kinds of dead off that shit rotflmao. You wrong Kratos you wrong as hell rotflmao

http://vimeo.com/11673844

his drug of choice

06-04-2010, 04:47 AM

I hate you Kels! LMAO

Stormhammer

06-06-2010, 11:11 PM

Back for more!

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/tt1-2.png
I dare someone to read this without getting frustrated/pissed off/a headache!

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/whatina2.png

http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/sjp_sexdoll.jpg

http://www.dlisted.com/files/imagecache/photo-preview/files/galleries/blowupdoll3.jpg

Man, I tried to read it and yes, I'm sucking on some aspirin after that. About a minute into reading it, I just had the BIGGEST image of Samuel Jackson saying,"ENGLISH MUTHA FUCKA, DO YOU SPEAK IT?" The answer, is no.

:lmao: @ the j-ho doll! When Jenny sees that, she's gonna blow a fuse in less than five seconds. Thanks for the laugh.

EDIT: Double Laughs at the karate kid post. Lil, Homie is gonna have to do some serious damage in this movie to get the fans to show some love.

-Stormhammer-

Stormhammer

06-07-2010, 05:54 AM

http://i45.tinypic.com/25jxxug.gif

This is funnier if you know the cartoon Naruto and the boondocks. Copycat-no-jutsu! :lmao:

-Stormhammer-

Mr Kels

06-08-2010, 03:02 AM

^^ Nice one Stormie! That really is some copy cat shit.

I hate you Kels! LMAO

No, I love you more! :inlust:

Looks like the other sex doll I posted didn't work. Let me try again.

http://images.sextoysex.com/PD/3550-00.JPG

Stormhammer

06-08-2010, 03:26 PM

:lmao: Damn. they even copied her long ass chin. Good one Kels.this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNj9_XHoxIY)

This is some wrestling shit, but damn. This dude had me rollin! :lmao:

-Stormhammer-

scoobysnax

06-09-2010, 04:13 AM

http://i45.tinypic.com/25jxxug.gif

This is funnier if you know the cartoon Naruto and the boondocks. Copycat-no-jutsu! :lmao:

-Stormhammer-

Lol, I just got caught up on Naruto manga about 5 minutes ago!

And tomorrow I'm getting caught up on the Boondocks.

Are these done by the same company?

Stormhammer

06-09-2010, 11:41 AM

Lol, I just got caught up on Naruto manga about 5 minutes ago!

And tomorrow I'm getting caught up on the Boondocks.

Are these done by the same company?

I doubt it. I think it's just a thing some companies do from time to time to save time and have action sequences that don't look like garbage. Some companies do it to pay tribute to other shows. Don't know which one it is this time. Either way, shiznit was funny to me.

-Stormhammer-

Chelle

06-09-2010, 04:23 PM

One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of undershorts out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
'April', he hollered into the bathroom, ‘Why did you put Talcum Powder in my undershorts?'
She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Gro'!!!

Stormhammer

06-09-2010, 05:52 PM

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v733/stormhammer/?action=view&current=buffchickcard.jpg

I'll just leave this here and leave quietly.

-Stormhammer-

Mr Kels

06-10-2010, 01:28 AM

One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of undershorts out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
'April', he hollered into the bathroom, ‘Why did you put Talcum Powder in my undershorts?'
She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Gro'!!!

Priceless! I know his ego/pride is sitting in the corner crying after that.

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v733/stormhammer/?action=view&current=buffchickcard.jpg

I'll just leave this here and leave quietly.

-Stormhammer-

:noexpression:

Even I wouldn't touch that FF...

http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/funny-facebook-eye-papercut.png?w=559&h=334

http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/funny-facebook-am-alarm-far.png?w=510&h=347

http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/funny0facebook-gas-confess.png?w=544&h=191

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/tco1.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/coky1.png

blizz77

06-10-2010, 02:12 AM

http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/funny0facebook-gas-confess.png?w=544&h=191

That was funny as hell!!!!!!!!!!:lmao:

his drug of choice

06-10-2010, 03:22 AM

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/coky1.png

Oooooh, Authentic Jamaican COCK! NIIIIIIIICE!!

Stormhammer

06-10-2010, 01:40 PM

:noexpression:

Even I wouldn't touch that FF...

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/coky1.png

:lmao: You're just afraid to hit it because it can hit back.

The cock flavored soup never gets old. The jokes will write themselves.

-Stormhammer-

Speedy624

06-10-2010, 09:10 PM

Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"

Tech Support: "What version of Windows are you running?"
Customer: "I got the computer in 2003, so I think it's a Windows 2003. Or maybe it's a Windows 2004? I got it late in the year."
Tech Support: "Um, ok."
Customer: "Is that wrong?"
Tech Support: "No, no, that sounds about right. Tell me, would you know what service pack you have for that?"
Customer: "Well, when I got to the register, the young man who rang me up said was about the 5th person to buy it. So it might be service pack 5."

For my work-study job, I work tech support at a small college. One night I was working Help Desk and the phone rings. I pick it up to have a student telling me she can't get the computer to work.

* Me: "What operating system are you running?"
* Student: "Hunh?"
* Me: "Do you have a Mac or a PC?"
* Student: "Um, I don't know."
* Me: "Ok. What does the screen look like?"
* Student: "It's yellow."
* Me: "Ok. What does it say on the computer CPU?"
* Student: "What's that?"
* Me: "The big grey box."
* Student: "It doesn't say anything."
* Me: "Never mind that...do you have a little 'Start' button at the bottom of the monitor?"
* Student: "Monitor?"
* Me: "The thing that looks like a TV sceen sitting on the grey box."
* Student: "Oh! That! No. No start button."
* Me: "Ok. Is there a little apple symbol anywhere on the screen?"
* Student: (very puzzled) "Why would I have fruit on my computer?"

My father decided that it would be a nice surprise to install Windows 95 on my seven year old computer. He had one of his employees give him step-by-step written instructions but neglected to mention that my computer is so old. When I got home he had Windows 95 installed and was struggling to install the first piece of software.

* My Dad: "It says there's insufficient disk space. How much stuff to you have on the hard drive?"
* Me: "It was almost full. You shouldn't have been able to get Windows 95 on there."
* My Dad: "Well, I just followed these instructions."

I looked at the instructions and saw that he had backed up everything and wiped the hard drive.

* Me: "If you followed these instruction properly, the only thing on the hard drive should be Windows 95. How much space does that take up?"
* My Dad: "It doesn't take up any space. It's an operating system."
* Me: "No, it takes up a lot of space, and it shouldn't even be able to fit on this computer."
* My Dad: "No, you don't know what you're talking about. The problem is that you have too many files. You have to delete some of them."
* Me: "You already deleted all my files. They're on that stack of disks now."
* My Dad: "Yes, and those disks are taking up too much space."

I saw two older looking ladies trying to figure out the computers at a local store. I knew one of them would say something that I could send to Computer Stupidities, so I tried to listen in.

* Woman 1: "What is that little trash can on the screen?"
* Woman 2: "My son says that is call the 'recycle bin'. He tells me when I don't want a Word document anymore and I delete it, it really goes in there."
* Woman 1: "Why in the recycle thingy? Can't you just erase it?"
* Woman 2: "Oh no, Word wouldn't work for very long if I did that, I would run out of blank pages."
* Woman 1: "Why?"
* Woman 2: "Because it cleans the words off the pages, then sends the blank sheets back to Word so they can be used again. That's why it's called the recycle bin."

Customer: "My machine won't do anything."
Tech Support: "What's on the screen right now?"
Customer: "It's frozen, it's showing my Windows desktop."
Tech Support: "Try hitting Ctrl-Alt-Delete, tell me what happens."
Customer: (taptaptap) "Nothing."
Tech Support: "Did you hit all of them at once?"
Customer: "Umm...just a second." (taptaptap) "I did that time. Nothing happened."
Tech Support: "Try it again."
Customer: (taptaptap) "No, it's just sitting there."
Tech Support: "Move the mouse around. What happens?"
Customer: "Nothing, the arrow doesn't move."
Tech Support: "Ok, last try, hit Ctrl-Alt-Delete again."
Customer: "Still nothing."
Tech Support: "Hit your numlock key. Does the light flash?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, you're going to have to shut your computer off. Just press the power button, wait for a couple of seconds, and turn it on again."
Customer: "I've heard that's bad for Windows."
Tech Support: "Um, well, you can't do anything else, right?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Well, you can't hurt it any worse then."
Customer: "But I've heard it's bad for Windows to just shut it off without shutting down first."
Tech Support: "Yes, but it's locked up. There's nothing else you can do."
Customer: "Will it hurt my Windows?"
Tech Support: "Probably no worse than it already was by locking up."
Customer: "Well...ok...but if it doesn't work, will you come over and fix it for me?"

I was working in a photo store, which specializes in restoring old photographs, when a lady brought in a old picture of a man sitting behind a cow, milking it.

Her: "Can you fix this picture for me?"
Me: "Sure. What would you like us to do?"
Her: "Can you move the cow?"
Me: "Move the cow?"
Her: "I want to know what my great-grandfather looked like. That's him."

She pointed to the feet sticking out under the cow.

Me: "I don't think we can do that."
Her: "Just move the cow over, and we'll be able to see his face."
Me: "I'm sorry. We don't have the technology to do that."
Her: (getting huffy) "Well, I guess I'll just take this somewhere else."

I work at a Target store in a large city, where I work in customer service and sometimes as a cashier. Like most other retail stores, we have credit card machines (called PIN pads at our store) at each of our registers, so that people can pay with their credit cards as employees are ringing up merchandise. The PIN pad clearly states on the screen, "Please select card type." Beneath this are two buttons clearly marked "Credit" and "Debit." If you do not press one of these two buttons first, nothing will happen when you slide your card. The instructions on the PIN pad seem simple enough to me, but I am constantly amazed at the number of people who just cannot seem to comprehend the process. What follows is an exchange between a particularly rude customer and me.

The woman walked up to the counter with credit card in hand. I finished ringing up her purchases (she had already been rude by this time), and she marched up to the credit card machine, stared at the screen for several moments (mind you, this screen was instructing her to select her card type first) and proceeded to swipe her card. Several times in a row. Upside down AND backwards.

* Me: "Ma'am, will (swipe) you be (swipe) paying with (swipe) credit or debit today?"
* Customer: (swiping furiously) "Your machine isn't working."
* Me: "Please turn your card around. No, that way, yes, and now--"
* Customer: (swipe) "See, it's still not working."
* Me: "That's because you have to press the credit button or the debit button first, then swipe your card."
* Customer: (swipe)
* Me: "Press credit or debit first."
* Customer: (swipe)
* Me: "Credit or debit?"
* Customer: "Oh, well nobody told me that."

So she pressed the debit button and swiped her card. The machine instructed her to key in her PIN number, since the card was a checkcard being used as debit instead of credit. I noticed that the customer was standing there looking confusedly at the screen again, so I asked her to key in her PIN number for her debit card.

* Customer: "What's a PIN number?"
* Me: "Your personal identification number for your checkcard. Usually four digits."
* Customer: "I don't have a PIN number."
* Me: "Ma'am that is a checkcard, which means it should have a PIN number."
* Customer: "Well, then, I don't know it."
* Me: "Then I can just run this card through as a credit card, and you won't have to enter a PIN number."
* Customer: "Oh, no, no, no! Don't do that! I don't want to pay with credit. I want this to come out of my checking account."
* Me: "It will come out of your checking account. This card isn't like a credit card -- it's the same thing as using debit, just without the PIN number."
* Customer: "I'm not going to let you do that. Then I will have to pay interest."

I decided not to argue and asked her if she had any other card she'd like to use. She said she didn't. I asked her if she'd like to write a check. No. I asked her if she wanted to use cash, and she said she didn't have any with her.

* Customer: "I want to use this card. I don't have a PIN number. Just make something up."
* Me: "That won't work."

Luckily, the woman's husband came walking up, wondering what was taking us so long. She explained the situation to him.

* Husband: "Well, you have your PIN number written down in your wallet, where you keep all your credit cards."
* Customer: "Oh, I thought that was for my car keys."

I won't even venture a guess as to what she was talking about.

Stormhammer

06-10-2010, 09:56 PM

:lmao: OMG. I am so glad I don't have to work in customer service anymore. Thanks for the laughs Speedy.

-Stormhammer-

his drug of choice

06-11-2010, 02:24 AM

That last bitch would have gotten her ass cursed out for 1) being so damn rude, and 2) being a fucking ID10T!

Mr Kels

06-11-2010, 02:46 AM

And I thought I dealt with stupid mofos. That lady is about two steps away from being Petarded (dig the Family Guy reference!)

Customer walks up to me and a co-worker, both behind the counter.

Customer: Excuse me. Do you guys know where the fitting room is?
Me: Nope! You gotta find it on your own. *smiling and messing with him*
Customer: Oh okay. I figured you guys didn't work here. *walks away*
Me: :noexpression: :no:

blizz77

06-11-2010, 04:12 PM

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street,
when a little girl on her new shiny bike
stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed
the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got there Sir.
Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said:
'Next year tell Santa;
The dick goes underneath the horse,
not on top'!!!

Stormhammer

06-11-2010, 04:35 PM

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street,
when a little girl on her new shiny bike
stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed
the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got there Sir.
Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said:
'Next year tell Santa;
The dick goes underneath the horse,
not on top'!!!

OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!

Lesson learned: Don't mess with little kids. They mean! :lmao:

-Stormhammer-

blizz77

06-11-2010, 06:58 PM

A little boy killed a butterfly. His dad said to him: " no butter for two weeks".

He then killed a honey bee. His dad said: "no honey for two weeks either".

Later the little boy's mom was in the garden when she stood on a cockroach. The little boy looked at his dad and said:

"Do you want to tell her or shall I?"

his drug of choice

06-11-2010, 09:00 PM

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street,
when a little girl on her new shiny bike
stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed
the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got there Sir.
Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said:
'Next year tell Santa;
The dick goes underneath the horse,
not on top'!!!

His ass deserved that one! LMMFAO :lmao:

JohnnyFuckAmore

06-11-2010, 10:01 PM

Blizz You just picked up my spirits with that one. INSTANT CLASSIC!!!:lmao::clap::lmao::clap::lmao::clap:

Stormhammer

06-11-2010, 10:26 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuXhGLveY7o&feature=related

Old as hell, but it still cracks me up. :lmao:

-Stormhammer-

blizz77

06-11-2010, 11:52 PM

Hopefully this has not already been posted. #11 is a joke I remember seeing on here before tho.

The following are all replies that Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing 'Father's Details,' or putting it another way... Who's your baby's Daddy?

These are genuine excerpts from the forms.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2...I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks...

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy; I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country.. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.

8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you axe him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time..... well, I don't have clue..

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

Mr Kels

06-12-2010, 12:56 AM

Blizz, you got me dying over here! Rep coming your way for this madness!

his drug of choice

06-12-2010, 02:01 AM

OMG, I'm is DEAD! LMAO

Speedy624

06-12-2010, 08:30 PM

Some random facts

- An elephant shits half its weight in 2 days
- A mans penis is 3 times the size of his thumb
- Honeybees kill more people than snakes
- A woman would have finished reading this by now but a man would still be checking the size of his thumb.

Man rolls over in bed and grins at wife.
She says "Not tonight darling, I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and want to stay clean".
Man rolls over feeling rejected.
After 5 mins he rolls back over and asks "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?".

A girl walked into the computer center where I work.
She said she was having problems with her Mac. I asked what kind of Mac she had.
In an indignant voice, she replied, "Duh, Intosh."

Mr Kels

06-16-2010, 04:44 AM

http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/funny-facebook-tiger-obama.png?w=548&h=542

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/wc4.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/tuet1.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/tuet31.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/smoo3.png

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/tuet21.png

Here's a couple entries from fmylife.com

"Today, I had to work a double shift at work. My manager knows I have an anxiety disorder and am prone to panic attacks, so he offered me some valium to help cope with the stress. Turns out it wasn't valium, it was laxatives. I had a panic attack on the toilet and passed out from hyperventilating. FML"

"Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me because his mom told him to. He's 25. FML"

"Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend of over a year that a woman has three holes down there. He thought women peed out of their butthole, and that's why they have to sit down. FML"

"Today, my boyfriend dumped me through a Facebook status, and both my mom and best friend "liked" it. FML"

(As my coworker always says, facebook is the devil!)

ThePianoGuy

06-22-2010, 03:19 AM

Stormhammer

06-22-2010, 05:28 PM

http://worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhrrD2FLA134IvyexJ

Worst. Rap. Battle. EVER.

After you have witnessed this, nobody, and I mean NOBODY will be able to wipe the smile off your face. I've never said WTF so many times in the same minute.

-Stormhammer-

Speedy624

06-22-2010, 10:32 PM

http://worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhrrD2FLA134IvyexJ

Worst. Rap. Battle. EVER.

After you have witnessed this, nobody, and I mean NOBODY will be able to wipe the smile off your face. I've never said WTF so many times in the same minute.

-Stormhammer-

That was just daft, why would you say such things whether you're in a battle or not.

Stormhammer

06-22-2010, 11:10 PM

his drug of choice

06-23-2010, 01:31 AM

http://worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhrrD2FLA134IvyexJ

Worst. Rap. Battle. EVER.

After you have witnessed this, nobody, and I mean NOBODY will be able to wipe the smile off your face. I've never said WTF so many times in the same minute.

-Stormhammer-

OMG! My jaw was on my desk after that first "jab."

Joker

06-24-2010, 01:14 AM

This page got me in fucking tears. Riley a fucking fool...and I had to stop the freestyle vid after eight seconds. I just...just couldn't handle any more fail that was to come.

Mr Kels

06-24-2010, 04:29 AM

http://worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhrrD2FLA134IvyexJ

Worst. Rap. Battle. EVER.

After you have witnessed this, nobody, and I mean NOBODY will be able to wipe the smile off your face. I've never said WTF so many times in the same minute.

-Stormhammer-

My forehead is red from over-facepalming. That's just... wrong. Dude in the hoody face was killing me. :lmao:

Speedy624

06-24-2010, 09:34 AM

This page got me in fucking tears. Riley a fucking fool...and I had to stop the freestyle vid after eight seconds. I just...just couldn't handle any more fail that was to come.

Err... what is a "Riley a fucking fool"??? ahahahahha

Joker

06-24-2010, 05:25 PM

Err... what is a "Riley a fucking fool"??? ahahahahha

Boondocks clip that PianoGuy posted.

Speedy624

06-24-2010, 09:22 PM

A kid was sitting on the stairs with his cat and a bag of smarties. His mum was watching him, he put a smartie in his mouth , then bit the cat and moved down a step. He then put another smartie in his mouth, bit the cat again and moved down another step.

His mum asked: "What are you doing?".

He replied: "Getting some practice in for when i'm older! I'm popping pills, eating pussy and moving on".

Good old Annie was a 93 year old woman who was particulary despondant over the recent death of her husband Joe. One day she decided that she would just kill herself and join him. Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took Joe's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was broken in the 1st place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ she called her doctor to inquire as to exactly where the heart would be?

The doctor said: "your heart would be below your left breast".

Later that night Annie was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee...