Dear Diary...

[his drug of choice]

Since we're starting a new board, I figure we could start new entries. Here goes mine:

Entry #1

Dear Diary,

I really wish I didn't have to feel this way about him. I mean, now that his situation has changed...dramatically. Why, oh why, does the heart have to want what is SO BAD for me? UGH!

He's making it really hard for me to stop wanting him, and I KNOW I shouldn't. But, how can I deny that we are perfect for each other, even when things are what they are right now?

I swear, in all my 33 years, I have NEVER felt this strongly about anyone.

The other part of this issue is that I love someone else, too. [insert sarcasm] Ain't life grand?!

[Joker]

Dear Diary..

How the hell did she say I'm her fall back...or she considered me her fall back up until I stopped talking to her. That's one of the many reasons why she'll continue to either fuck up good dudes and friends as well as fuck herself up to where no good dude will want her.

Told her sister from the get go, 'She'll be one of those many black women who will end up trying to get back with the good guy she turned down for the sorry ass bastard who fucked with her emotions and physical being. But she'll be shit out of luck.'. *smh* stupid ass hoe.

Also my niece is bad as hell, how she going to punch me for not wanting to watch Wow Wow Wuzby? Nobody want to see that mess, lil one year old demon. Lucky I don't have a riot baton or I'd bust her shit up.

[Deuce]

Dear Diary

Been a min. So much shit has transpired. Moms giving me a little scare because they found something when she had her mammogram done. Luckily it wasnt anything serious and they caught it in time. My health has been, eh....up and down to say the least. The damn meds they put me on helped with one issue but caused another...oh well fuck it.

On the flip side of things though, this year is looking waaaay better than last year. Got some promising things coming my way and I'm determined to make some things happen. Best of all, I have some very supportive people in my corner.

Lastly, my attitude is starting to come back. I really need to change it but dealing with certain issues has put me in a "fuck you" mode. I guess I just don't care about certain things like I used to. There have been things way too high up on my list of priorities to be concerned about insignificant shit. Its gotten to the point when certain people start talkin to me about their issues, I just look at them and say "I really don't give a fuck". I've been tellin certain people to fuck off and some people I've just cut off completely. Even people that have so called "done things for me" I don't give a fuck if you gave me a kidney. If I feel you aren't doing it genuinely and you're expecting something in return, I'll take it and still tell you to kiss my ass. I guess with the things that have happened recently, I look at things in a total different perspective. Most of all, I'm tired of being the nice guy. That shit is for suckas.

[The God of War]

Deah Diary,

I am at a crossroad right now. Do I continue to look fruitlessly for a job that won't be fulfilling or make me enough money to keep my head above water? Or do I keep my irons in the fire and work this angle out for my business plan, which will net me little to no money in the short term?

I'll be back later...

[MiMi]

Dear Diary,

Been feeling some kinda way lately. Not really sure what this feeling is, but I do know that I don't like feeling this way. I feel like I don't care anymore, I feel like this is useless, I feel like this is going nowhere and I feel like I put forth minimal effort because when I do it's pointless. I feel like when I tried my efforts weren't accepted at the time but later on appreciated once I had forgotten and honestly didn't care about those efforts anymore. I feel like if I didn't care I wouldn't worry or ask questions or show any type of concern. But at this point I feel like it doesn't matter anymore.

[Scarface1001]

Dear Diary,

Heard some f'd up stuff at work 2day...Gotta Take a quote from Good Times---"DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!!!"....How come all jobs wanna work da hell out a temp and want let them become permanent? At a point where im thinkin bout going back to college, but how da hell can i become a student only making ends-meat

[The God of War]

Deah Diary,

I don't know why I address you in a southern accent. Moving along. It's crazy on how I am overthinking everything nowadays. I will ease up and relax now, cause the shit is pressin me down, but I can't let it get to me like that. I have more important issues to worry about. It's time to take the stress free route and just enjoy life. It's not as difficult as it seems.

[his drug of choice]

Entry #2

Dear Diary,

He still wants me; he made that perfectly clear tonight. Why'd he have to go and do that? LMAO Now, I've got to try EXTRA hard to be good. *sigh* That is all.

Signed,
Blazed and Confused

[Black2Great]

Dear Diary,

I really wished she would have gave me some head tonight...

[his drug of choice]

Entry #3

Dear Diary,

I swear, sometimes it's easier to just fuck 'em all! Not to SAY "fuck 'em all," but, literally to fuck 'em all! LoL I'm kidding! But, seriously. Why, if you are supposed to be staying true to YOU, do you go and make it harder for both of us by telling me you still think about me all the time. You're not making it any easier...really.

And, then there's YOU that thinks you wanna be with me, but we both know you aren't ready. You contradict yourself, probably thinking I don't remember half the shit you tell me, but I learned a long time ago not to believe everything I hear, and half the shit I see.

And, finally there's you. I really need to get you outta my system. 6 years and I know it's not going anywhere. I guess that's what good dick can do! *le sigh*

Signed,
Just tryin' to figure it all out!

[Deuce]

Diary...

I think I'm going to step back into my own little circle and reevaluate everything. I care about very little at this point because I have way too much to do. A friend of mine asked me last night "why are you so hard to read?" Because I don't want people to see what truly lies beneath. Truth be told, I don't wanna let anybody in on that. I think if someone could really see what's there, they would definitely walk away. I have no remorse for the things I've done. I have no regrets. I find it amusing actually. If people only knew....

[Deuce]

I know it's not good to keep things in, but I think I'm going to start doing that again. Some people seem to always have something negative to say but yet they are quick to say "well you know you can talk to me". It's one thing to speak your mind but if everything you're speaking on is negative and you tellin me what I should do, it makes me not wanna say anything. I didn't ask what should I do. I didn't ask if you think I'm wrong or was it the correct approach. Someone who I considered a friend I had to completely cut off cuz she always brought up the negative. Constantly reminding me... "well if you woulda just came up here you wouldn't be goin through that shit and that was fuckin stupid.....wah womp whomp womp wah.....". You don't think I fuckin know that? FUCK!

There's only 2 people who I talk to that don't act like that but when it comes to one particular topic, there always seems to be frustration because I don't handle the situation as maybe they would. I love these 2 people to death and consider them true friends but I hate that, with one we don't speak as much (I know that situation had a lot to do with it) and I'm starting to see that the other person is feeling the same way. I don't like to bring the subject up, but it seems to make its way into the conversation at times. I get frustrated too, but not with them. They've both been there for me, I appreciate it and I refuse to let any one situation come in between our friendship.

[The God of War]

Dear Diary,

This is why I don't tell anybody anything. They overreact and then expect me to apologize. Except for the fact that I didn't do anything wrong. That's why the OG (yes, I'm referring to myself as that without using my real name) lets people know what he wants them to know. Don't give me that shit about "oh, he's being so secretive." You, just like everyone else, are on a need to know basis. And right about now, you can't handle the information I tell you. So guess what? SORRY BOUT YO DAMN LUCK.

I think I will stay the course, and keep doing what I have been doing. Because I've done good work and I have kept myself afloat, with others' help and support, of course.

Sometimes I am reminded of my grandmother, and how truly good she was to me.

[Chelle]

Entry #1

Dear Diary

I have so much to write but not enough time. Lately I have been so busy trying to make this site work. I have a super long entry coming your way but for now, I'll say, it's good to have a place to vent. I think I need that with the current state of my heart. *sigh*.

I shall return. That I promise.

Chelle

[MiMi]

Dear Diary

I wish things could've played out differently but I know that everything always happens for a reasons. Certain situations are presented to us to test us and to let us know how strong we are. There were many things that contributed to the way things played out unwillingness to compromise, being stubborn, mindset towards certain situations etc etc. Iono maybe one day the situation can be addressed again, maybe not.

It's funny how people are trying to set me up with people and I just really don't want to be bothered. Funny how people are coming back into my life and although I welcome their friendship I just really don't want to be bothered. I've even had someone ask me if I would be willing to settle down with them, don't think they took to kindly to me laughing in their face. There is nothing in me that wants to settle down with them.

I haven't had sex in seven months and just really don't even want to. It's funny how that now I can basically go and do what and whomever I want to I just don't want to. Guess i'll just get used to being lonely.


Till Next Time

Meems

[Pervertor]

Dear Diary,

Why do I desire the end so much? When will I be relieved of this pain that so many call life? When will I be able to exhale for the very last time and be able to just rest, eternally?

I truly hate being alive.

[MiMi]

Dear Diary

Changed my mind....

Meems

[The God of War]

Dear Diary,

If I keep my mouth shut on certain matters, that will not only speak volumes, but I will obtain all of the information I need to get to where I have to be. Time to zip my lid and let shit play out.

Signed,

Kratos

[Chelle]

Entry #2

Dear Diary....

Where oh where do I begin. Well, it's been a long time since I've written. My life has been wonderful and hell all at once. Let's see....

I love a man who is going thru some things, but he chooses to shut me out instead of letting me help him. :cry: He doesn't give me enough credit to know that I love him, and will help him thru this. He thinks I need more than I want, and because of that, we aren't talking right now. It REALLY doesn't help that we don't live in the same country, let alone city, so.....I'm pretty sure it's over. It has completely broken me, but I won't let it devestate me as it has in the past. I have to be strong. People are so quick to tell you to get over it and move on, but they fail to realize I put my heart and soul into him for over a year, and you can't just forget that. 95% of the time, times were perfect. It's hard.

So, I bury myself in the board. Shortly after that problem started, we started having board issues. The host was very unreliable and the costs were mounting. When I went to them to discuss a payment option that was more cost effective, they offered to lower the bill by about $50. While it was nice, it pissed me off that they had our business for over 4 years and did not make any effort to retain our business. Then before I could make the switch to a new host, the server crashed. The machine was older and they were unable to fix it. It would have required going to another server.

As if this wasn't bad enough, they charged us for the month that we had no service and because I refused to pay for nonservice, :mad: they refused to allow me to back up the site, and therefore all data was lost. So, I went to the host of my other site, and asked what they could do. In less than 2 days, they had me on a VPS and here we are. It works well, costs less than half of what we used to pay, and their customer service is second to none. If anyone ever needs a host, go to Cyberwurx and tell them Bombchelle sent you. I love those guys. :yes:

I felt really bad about losing the data but it couldn't be helped. I will eventually pay the final bill for the old host and retain the data from the forum. I'll archive it and keep it for viewing. Not to add it to post counts, but at least to keep the history. I hated losing all that.

Lastly, to keep myself busy and occupied I've been working on starting a site for the ladies. I think there is a definite need for it and the plans I have for it once it's launched will really generate a great revenue. If this works the way I have it all planned, I'll be the female Hugh Hefner in no time. :clap:

I have some good people around me. People who are going thru things as well. I am trying not to give any advice because it's not always the best thing to do. Sometimes you just have to listen and say nothing. I'm learning that the hard way. I miss talking to a few people, but hopefully now that the board is back, they will have more time to talk. I don't want to be a distraction though.

And I'm really working on planning some vacations this year. My sister and I are planning a few getaways. We are going to ATL in May for a wedding, and then we're planning a few other ventures. I plan on visiting Chicago, Miami and NC sometime this year as well.

Well, I think that's it for now. I have more but I'll leave it be. I was going to talk about my mom, but that makes me tear up, so I'll try that another time. :sad:

Until next time.........

[instantrum]

Dear Diary,

I have truly lost my mind. My girl has a baby on the way and man o man she's driving me insane. I keep telling myself I'm gonna leave as soon as my son comes but I don't wanna be a bad father. However, if I stay it will be arguments on end and I'm too young for this shit. I already have a daughter and she's growing up to be a beautiful, intelligent young lady.

Ive wrecked things relationship wise, but I'm a dog and just gotta accept it.

-Sincerely, Patiently Waiting

[The God of War]

Dear Diary,

I've been through a lotta shit this week. I now know I affect so many people with a simple kind word or just a friendly gesture. I'm not exactly sure of where my life is going, but I know that I must control what I can do to the best of my ability. I will be back to report on a specific incident later on... I have some thinking to do...




Signed,


OG Loc (GTA: San Andreas reference. C'mon, I gotta cheer myself up now)

[The God of War]

Dear Diary,

I really wanted to hold off until I met him, but I just can't wait. My parents went to meet her father on Valentine's Day weekend. They said that it was a little hectic, and he wanted to meet me. He met my sister on Monday, and I said originally that I would only meet him if my other sister was there as well (she's currently out of state in school now).

I have had to back off of that stance, since I didn't have a natural grandfather growing up, and losing the petty, selfish attitude I was reverting into. I am human, and I do not expect him to be all grandfatherly to me. He did express regret and remorse towards my mother, and I feel that I should give him a chance to at least know who I am and what I have been through (without him in our lives).

I'm really really nervous about it, but I am not scared. He has his own family that he raised, and I have to accept that fact. I also have to accept that I cannot change the past 27 years of my life to appease any emotion to his liking. He is going to accept me for who I am. And anyone on BT knows that I speak my mind on the craziest shit. And yes, that is not just an internet persona. My gift of gab usually gets me in trouble in the real world as well.

My instincts are strong about this, and I have a good feeling. If anything changes, I will let you know.

See you on Friday morning, Diary,



- The God of War

[Voodoo]

Dear Journal,

I'm coming to a turning point, either things are gonna get REALLY good, or REALLY bad. If things get good, I'll be straight, things'll feel evened out. But if things go bad, I'll just have myself committed before I actually lose it.

[The God of War]

Dear Diary,

I met my maternal grandfather last night. I think he was shocked at my brazenness. I don't ask my parents for anything, and I am certainly not going to ask for anything other than information. He was also shocked because I am with a black woman. All of his sons married or dated outside of their race (mainly due to geographic location). That probably stunned him more than anything.

Oh yeah, I'm pretty stable too.

He speaks little, but says a lot. He's an effective talker. He reminds me of the old playas I see in the clubs with the flashy clothes and jewelry, and the bathing in the cologne. I think he's a nice dude, but to me, he's just that. A dude. Who happens to be my mother's father.

Kept it moving and shot him the hard deuce,



- [Kratos]

[The God of War]

Dear Diary,

First off, had to revive you. Hadn't seen you in a while. With that being said, here we go.

I remember manufacturing happiness around this time last year. I lost a job through unfortunate circumstances that I really didn't want because I was unable to reach my dreams. Unhappy because my supervisor had a previous bias against me that I was unaware of. Unhappy because I had to voluntarily travel out of my city, yet again, when I really wanted to either work from home, or if I was to travel, can it be in my city? Hadn't done that since high school (as far as W-2s go).

This year, I am once again manufacturing happiness. This time it is in the form of the most precious creature I have ever known, and I haven't met the little person yet. My significant other is holding her in her stomach right now, and as I sit here typing this out, thinking about the life that we created, I don't know what the future holds. Even though it is lightly raining outside and dark like last night as I type, I see the next 18+ years of my life being the happiest and most joyful of my life. I'm doing something that I always put off for the sake of ego, and now that I have a goal to become an elementary school teacher to educate children, I feel that my brightest years are completely ahead of me.

And I can personally thank two people for this coming together. Not my parents in this instance, but two former employers for the way they felt about me to release me from a job that was unfulfilling even though the pay was nice, the benefits were great, and the perks were quite honestly amazing. But I guess they could sense my unhappiness. And I would like to thank them for that. I will not put their names on here, because I still have friends that are associated with them in some form or fashion, and I would like to keep said friendships. They know who they are, and if I saw them today, I would express my thanks.

I now have my freedom to raise my child and be there for significant moments, the government is paying me to do so (as well as paying me to go to school), and to be a continuing influence in other children's lives as I continue along my path. As well as getting the advice from other people without having to worry about taking a day off from work or filling out a request for time off. I report to myself now when it comes to work.

Tutoring children is one of the most rewarding things I've ever done. And because of that, I am able to attend my sister's graduation from the University of Michigan, and to party down with her and celebrate her accomplishments, and to also be there for my youngest sister when she needs a helping hand. I can do these things now, instead of having to check in with my boss every day with my schedule so that he can determine my life through work instead of the other way around. And to think, all it took was a boss, in figurative terms, and relative to my last place of legal employment, was him pressing the "Dislike" button on my life's profile, so to speak.

Thank you.

Signed,



- [Kratos]

[his drug of choice]

Entry #4

Dear Diary,

I really hope this one is for real. We might be hundreds of miles away from each other, but we're doing everything we can. Only time will tell from here on out!

I've had to let all the other ones go. One of them is taking it like a G, but he doesn't want to let me go. The other one...every day he tries to get me to give in to him, knowing I'm still VERY attracted to him. That is the reason I cannot be left alone with that man, and he no longer comes to my house for ANYTHING! LoL

Signed,
Willing to make it work

[Chelle]

Entry #3

After spending a very long time offline, with other personal stuff, I can finally say that I am back. I've learned a lot about myself in the last year, and I have truly realized, I gotta focus on me, and the rest will come. I'll go into this more later, it's really too much to type at this time.

So I'm back to posting, and starting back on the magazine, and hopefully growing my empire the way I want it. 2011 has to be a great year. The world is mine.... :yes:

[The God of War]

Dear Journal,

I've been meaning to get at you for a long time, and I've said as much in the recent days. I have a lot to get off of my chest. Let's start.

First off, spending 17 days in the hospital was not fun. And it wasn't even for me. OK, well, it was in a way. I had to be there for my lady and show support and love. It sucked for her since she was starting to suffer from hospital psychosis, and we had to deliver the baby early. I was in the delivery room, and stood strong for her. It sucked, because she really was dead set on having her naturally, but her body would not allow it.

Rewind back to Nov. 13. My cousin's baby shower. I helped set up everything along with my mom, sister and a good family friend, and she didn't even credit us. That was strike one. She said that my mom simply catered the event. Disrespectful. Then, a couple of weeks later, she found out she had an STD from dude she was fuckin wit, and as a result, lost the baby. I sent a letter to dude via facebook, showing support (I may put it up later if I feel inclined to) and was very respectful in trying to get him some help and counseling. When I sent that letter, he read it and thanked me. Then she deleted me as a result of sending him the letter, which had nothing to do with her at all.

Then she sent me a text message on Dec. 21st (the same day my sister came home, no less) and this is what it said (verbatim): "Hey cousin I hope ur baby come out health and sorry I've been so selfish but right now I just can't feel happy for u n the way I would like to be but I'm sure u will be a Great father. Love u"

Now some may say that's harmless, but to give you a bit of backstory, she is jealous as hell of our relationship, the fact that my gf doesn't have to ask anyone for shit, and that she gets along great with my mother to the point where she calls her daughter in law, and we're not married... yet. And she's always been jealous of me because of how I have both my parents in my life and they give a damn about me. And she was very spiteful of us expecting a child because she didn't like my gf at all. Oh well, I love her.

And yes, when I read that text, I cried. It hurt that family would feel that way about me, especially since they just went through a traumatic experience, and then to wish essentially the same thing on me hurt. (Found that out through mutual friends) I couldn't understand it at all, and I cut off all contact with her. That's my first fucking cousin on my mom's side, and she acts like this?

Moving back to Christmas Day. First, the baby wasn't moving when they did an ultrasound in the morning. Then later on, they did another ultrasound, and they moved us straight to the labor and delivery ward. The decision was pretty much forced on us that night to deliver the baby to protect not only her health, but my gf's as well. My baby came into this world on Dec. 25, 2010 at 11:58pm. I could not believe that I am now a father, and I felt like that was the best day of my life. It really can't even get any better than that. Now I use what my cousin said about me as motivation to be the best father I can be. And I think I am successful in that endeavor so far. There is still tons more work to do, but I think I can make it.

BT fam, I just need y'all to continually support me and keep me grounded while I raise a daughter. Don't worry, I got my shotgun on deck already, and whatever I have to do to protect this house, The God of War will do. I will unleash the dogs of hell on anyone who tries me.

- [name withheld]



Oh yeah, if this takes too long to read, don't worry about it. It was very therapeutic to read and now I have to check on the baby. She doesn't like the Seahawks either.

[MiMi]

Dear Diary,


It's been a while. Lately people have been telling me that they miss the old MiMi, that i've changed and although they still love me they miss the carefree MiMi. My boy even told me that he wishes I'd go back to being 2k8 MiMi. And you know what I have to agree with him. I was so much more fun back then. I went out, hung out with my friends and just acted a nut. I felt at the time that the changes I was making were for a greater good, but unfortunately they weren't. I don't regret the changes I made or the reason I made those changes but at the end of the day I learned a lot from my situation.

Recently I've been so much time in the clubs and bars with my people having a good time. Not even drinking as much but just chilling and enjoying being around my people especially the ones that I haven't spent a lot of time with recently. I've even hung out with some people I went to high school with. Hmmmm could there be something there? Maybe. But only time will tell. Right now I'm just enjoying being who I used to be and who everyone remembers.


---Meemers

[MiMi]

Dear Diary,


Sometimes I miss him, sometimes I don't
Sometimes I want him, sometimes I don't
Sometimes I want to feel his lips, sometimes I don't
Sometimes I feel him next to me then I realize no ones there
Sometimes I hear his voice, then I realize it was only the wind
Tonight I felt his presence, then I realized it was a dream.....


Good night Diary
Meems

[MiMi]

Dear Diary,

I'm not the chick who feels that I need to be married with kids by the time I'm 30 but I am wanting a relationship right now. I want to have someone there for me, to talk to and argue with.

One of my downfalls is I don't like dating... I hate it. Its like we should be friends first that way we don't have to do the whole awkward getting to know each other thing.

For now I'll just wait until its my turn.


Meems

[MiMi]

Dear Diary,

I like having someone to sleep next to... I do see that I am going to be the more aggressive one though. I think he's acting shy and so am I.... not really shy but not to the point of being comfortable enough to invite myself over to his place. It's still in an awkward stage, I don't understand why we're not comfortable with each other yet. Normally I have no problem but this time I really care about what he thinks and don't want to put to much on him... I thinking maybe he feels the same way... iono...

Seems

[The God of War]

Dear Diary,

Jackpot! [/Quagmire]

Had to lighten the tension. So, I had it out with my neighbor. I went down there because she was playing her music too loud, and it woke my baby up. I asked her to turn it down politely, and she essentially told me to get a babysitter. And it escalated, and she made a death threat.

Building manager heard it, as well as the property manager (we were really loud), and I left it alone. Or so I thought. Two days later, we have a flat tire. Suspicious, especially when we took it to the shop and the mechanic said it had a puncture in it. The next day, we accompanied my mom's daycare kids to Discovery Kingdom. On the way, tire became completely shredded. Not a coincidence. Made a police report when we got back. Talked to the building manager, and when I got back, homedude decided he needed to come up and try to get some brass nuts about him, by saying, and I quote, “Can you come outside so we can talk?” What kind of man says that?

Moving on, I had my daughter, so I told him to state his reasoning for coming to my door. Apparently, someone (not us) was making a lot of noise, and he felt the need to come up and say something. Never before in the history of them living below us have I seen that dude speak up on anything. I always thought he was on punishment since he's clearly not the man in that relationship. And I was correct. He had “his” wife come up to try and jump me. Told my lady to call the police, and kept my mouth shut regarding them since.

Police didn't show up, so I called the dispatcher the next morning. She told me that OPD did respond to a call, and the issue is resolved. I stated that I never spoke to a police officer. The dispatcher told me that the complaint was resolved outside of the building at 1:30am. 2 problems with this: 1. OPD told me to stay inside, and 2. my girlfriend called, and a male responded to the complaint. So they sent out officers to speak to me (with me verifying my identification upon request), and I made them aware of the situation. They told me to file a restraining order, and I did so yesterday. They weren't happy about that. I'm not happy about personal property being damaged, because you can't have respect for your neighbors.

And believe me, this is the not the first time we've had a run in. And the managers are aware of the situation. Pray for me BT fam. I will get through this situation. But they tried to make good on a threat, and I only got the restraining order to protect them from me. I won't make any death threats, because I'm not a coward like that. And I can't say too much because I don't want to get into legal trouble over the situation. What I will do is protect my family at all costs. Now, to get ready for the next semester, and to also see my therapist next week.

Oh yeah, my little Raye is doing so well. 7 months and steadily growing.

Thanks for reading, fam.

- [name withheld]

[ghostryder]

Dear Diary,

Last night was not one of my best moments of self-control. All I know is that I feel really confused about shit right now. The song Me & My Crazy World by The Lost Boys really applies right now. What makes this situation even worse is that I work with BOTH of them. DAMMIT! I dabbled my toe across the line last with one of them. Was this wrong? Perhaps, but it needed to happen. The tension has been there for a little too long. How do I face them when I go back to work tomorrow? Thank goodness my vacation time starts this Friday. I need to get away for a bit.

[blizz77]

Dear Diary,

For those of you who don't remember me or don't know, I'm a single father of the most beautifullest (word to Keith Murray) daughter in the world. I have had custody since she was 6 months old, as of April this year she turned 9 years old. From the time I've had custody I have not heard from, saw, nor received any help from her mother. Not that I needed help financally because I make great money as a tire builder. But thank God I have female family members and friends who helped me out along the way. She told me she had a court date and would return but never did. No phone calls for birthdays nor holidays. Now mind you, I was bitter in the beginning because I was a 25 year old who was not ready to take on that responsibilty. Yet, I did what any real man would do and turned my life around and raised my child to the best of my ability.

As of this past Mother's Day, we decided to look for her. Now mind you, she was going through some things (from what I hear) so I figured it was God's way of putting my daughter in the best situation possible. Well, we found her. You would have thought she would have been looking for us but no, we found her. After the crying, snot running, and excuses as to why she left the way she did, I decided to let things be and start fresh. Although we would probably never have that type of relationship we use to, I will not deny her the chance to be in my daughters life as long as its for the best interest of my daughter. Well, about a month ago, I was letting her know about my daughter making a few bad grades on some math assignments. I also told her she loves math but its new shit so it just gonna take a little time. Well a few weeks later her and my daughter were having a conversation while my daughter and I were at a restaurant waiting for our food. Well, I happen to look over at my daughter and I see her eyes are starting to well up with tears. So I snatch the phone and ask whats the problem. She states, "No problem. I'm just letting her no I'm not gonna put up with her making bad grades and shit." Before I knew it, I snapped and told her she doesn't have to put up with shit and she doesn't have the authority at this point to talk to her in no other tone but a friendly one. I also told her for her to go off on my child because of a bad assignment or two was not acceptable either. It can and will be fixed and it's not like she received it on her report card. On top of that, she does all this shit after she has been drinking.

After the intial phone conversation, my daughter was excited to finally get to know her biological mother. But now, she really wishes things would go back to the way they were. I will admit, I do too. We were doing just fine and we will continue to be just fine. Thanks for letting me vent.

[The God of War]

Dear Diary,

If she wants the dick, she knows exactly where it is. No excuses.

- [name withheld]

[blizz77]

Dear Diary,


Damn, I really need to get my addiction under control. Being single is fun and I enjoy the freedom. But at times I wish I were in a relationship. I have settled for years but now I'm waiting on the right one. Please let her be bi and not against the swinger lifestyle. Seems like all the good ones are taken but I will wait my turn.

Well last night was rather fun. Fucked a good friend for her and her husbands 3 year anniversary but we went at it like it was ours. Talked to him on the phone to establish some ground rules and never met dude but he on some real kink shit. Although I'm a swinger, I don't think I would want to listen on the phone while another guy fucks the hell out of my wife. Let alone, be in jail listening while the shit is going down. To each their own I guess. We been fucking about 4-5 times a month now for the past 2 years. She good peoples so I don't mind. Especially the times she brings in other females, which is usually once or twice a month.

[MiMi]

Dear Diary,

What's been good with you?

I've come to the conclusion that this situation with us is not over and will probably take a long time before it will be. Parts of us are ingrained in each other and they'll always be that way. The love we have for each other is ridiculous. But, we just can't get right.

There are things that we are both used to and for some reason we don't want to let go of them. Maybe that's a sign that we truly aren't made for each other. Maybe this is just what we believe to be true love and soul mates. Maybe this is laying the ground work for what our futures hold for us. But how can we find our future when our past play such a previlent part of our right now threatening our future and holdimg it at bay.

Let's see what happens....

Meems

[The God of War]

Dear Diary,

Fuck people sometimes. Why? I can't stand when muthafuckas complain about shit and then won't do anything when called out on they bullshit. So, next time I formally invite you over my house, don't suggest shit if you ain't gonna do shit. And I'm completely serious. It's stressful enough that I have to deal with your estrogen laden shit about the men in your life, so don't mention it around me as it has nothing to do with me. I don't abuse your daughter or granddaughter (nor has there been any precedence EVER for that conversation to even occur), so why the fuck do you have to put me on the level of your shitty relationships with men?

From now on, you get ignored. Straight up.

And thank you to the BT fam for holding me down. This has been a long 2 years for me, and I appreciate every member who has made me laugh, smile, or feel an emotion that I needed at that moment. And especially thanks for the birthday wishes for my daughter. She has no idea this place exists, but her 5 teeth says that she would love all of you pervs in some baby way.

Thanks for reading,

- [The God of War]

[MiMi]

Yo Diary,

All I want is some alone time with my boyfriend, that doesn't involve us going to the movies out to eat. I want to do something different and i don't want his friends, family or son to be apart of it. Yes I'm being selfish because It's NEVER just the two of us.


Meems